


It's All Been Told Before

by Cinnabeebon



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Underage Drinking, as in U.S. college students underage, no Kurt bashing tho, seblaine endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25993345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnabeebon/pseuds/Cinnabeebon
Summary: College is supposed to be a shot at a new life. Sebastian's just started to settle in at Columbia in his sophomore year when his world implodes. His old Dalton roommate releases a tell-all book about their wild times in the Warblers - bringing up old drama and letting loose new secrets in a bid for his own fame. The past has finally caught up to Sebastian. Could it be for the best?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe, Sebastian Smythe/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. It has been years since I've written any sort of fanfic. I think the last time I did was when Glee was still on the air, probably during season 4. I've since purged anything I've ever written and told myself I never had the time to write fic again. Also I was horrendously bad at it. Like, laughably bad. Hopefully all the reading I've been doing since then has boosted my writing. (This is also the first time I'm posting anything to Ao3 idk why it feels so scary).
> 
> And yet here I am. For some reason (quarantine forcing me to rewatch old shows such as Glee) I've found the spark again. I got the idea for this story specifically and it just hasn't left me, and once I got that inspiration I just had to dig my claws into it and let it run wild. I really hope whoever reads this enjoys it. 
> 
> A quick note: This story will touch on themes of child abuse, relationship abuse, mentioned alcoholism and disordered eating later on. It's going to be heavy in places and I'll do my best to include warnings for it in the chapters it's in.
> 
> Another quick note: I try to edit my stuff as best as possible. Apologies for any mistakes, I don't have a beta reader. Also I know nothing about nyc, but we're going to do what Glee does and just roll with what I write. Same for timeline stuff - we'll adapt as we go!
> 
> Ch 1. has very little Sebastian in it for a Sebastian-centered story, but don't worry! I'm going to fix that in ch. 2 when things really start to happen. Also, I have most of this story mapped out already, but I'm struggling with what exact pairing I want. I'm leaning towards this being Seblaine, but after rewatching Glee (yes, all of it, yes even all of season 5) I've come to a new appreciation for Kurt. As someone who also hates everyone and everything I just get him. And I really do like Kurtbastian too. So there's going to be no Blaine or Kurt bashing here! What are your guys' thoughts on possible pairings? I'm still leaning heavily towards Seblaine because that really has had my heart since I first saw them together, but I just don't know. Reviews are appreciated!

It was their Wednesday morning ritual – an hour every morning before class to bitch about anything and everything over a cup of coffee for them each. Today, Nick was early. He'd woken up to the sounds of his roommate stomping around in their kitchen and hadn't been able to fall back asleep. Due to that misfortune he figured he owed himself a thick slice of coffee cake seeing as he had the time to enjoy it and all.

If anyone had asked Nick Duval in his senior year of high school whether he thought he would be looking forward to his regular coffee dates with Sebastian Smythe he would've laughed in their face. But, here he was in his sophomore year at NYU, and the guy was like an actual good friend now. He'd mellowed out since they graduated. He no longer had any supervillain level plots, even though he was still the best to bitch with. Nick could appreciate his blunt honesty on the days he actually got Sebastian to himself, and they actually had a lot in common when they weren't fighting over Warbler solos.

And with Bas at Columbia and Nick at NYU he had been a great lifeline in a new city. As it turned out, high school didn't matter as much as anyone thought it would. At least to some people it didn't.

Nick scrolled through Twitter while he waited, taking a bite of his coffee cake every now and then. He had a latte with him as well with coconut milk and coconut flavor today. He'd earned it. They were six weeks into the semester and he already felt like bashing his head into a wall at least once a day. Sometimes he missed high school. But Twitter reminded him about everything he didn't miss. While he wasn't in constant contact with all of his old friends it was nice that he could at least keep up with their scalding hot takes through social media. Today it was all about John Laffren's book release.

John had been in his and Bas's year. Actually, now that Nick was thinking about it again, he had been Sebastian's roommate all three years at Dalton. John had disappeared off to a state school in the Midwest to study journalism and Nick could see how this book was his attempt at breaking out into the writing world. It just sucked that it came at the expense of airing out the business of all of his old teammates.

The Warblers – A Look into a Dynasty. It made no sense. They were a show choir acapella group at an all-boys private school. How was that interesting?

Apparently John had found something to write about, because the early reviews raved about it. Moving, powerful, tear-jerking and laugh inducing all at once! The ex-Warblers on Twitter had picked up all of the buzzwords already and speculation was running rampant about what it could all mean. So far they were all piling on David for suggesting that their old impromptu performance of Iggy Pop's 'Lust for Life' at a retirement home for being the "powerful" part of the book. Nick had other ideas. John had been with them through the loss of Blaine, slushy-gate, and ultimately Hunter Clarington's dictatorship. He didn't see how any of that would be emotional musings were so rudely interrupted by a second cup of coffee appearing next to his.

"Sorry I'm late." Nick looked up. Honestly, he hadn't even realized Sebastian was running late. But there he stood, face flushed like he'd been hurrying. His coat was undone and his hair ruffled and only lightly styled. Wow, he really must've been running late. Nick glanced at the time on his phone and snorted when he realized it was only five past eight.

"Right. I don't know how you're going to make this up to me." He smiled and leaned back in his seat while Sebastian got settled across from him. "I'm thinking… finishing my French paper for me?"

"Fuck off Duval." Sebastian fell into his own chair with a huff. He folded in on himself, hunched over his coffee.

Despite the smirk that pulled at Bas's lips, Nick was surprised. He hadn't seen his friend look this exhausted since Freshman year's Fall Semester finals. That had been a hellish introduction to college for the both of them. "Rough morning? Or late night? Dude, you look like shit."

"Thanks."

"I mean it. I've never seen you look so…"

"Horrible?"

"Tired," Nick finished, trying to spare his friend's feelings. But Bas really didn't look good. Really, when was the last time he'd seen him with that dark of circles under his eyes?

"Yeah, it was just a long night. The neighbors kept us up."

Nick wrinkled his nose at that. "Gross."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Not like that. They were yelling all night. I didn't fall asleep until like, 3:00. Woke up late and had to rush to get here." He sighed. His shoulders slumped forward even more and Nick worried that he'd end up falling asleep on the table or something.

He pushed the plate of half-eaten coffee cake towards Bas, offering up his fork. "Here, I can't finish this whole thing."

Sebastian looked up at the sound of the plate scraping over the table. His eyes glanced over the cake and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. He pushed the plate back. "I'm good."

"What? Dude, I swear I didn't even do anything to it." He put his hands up, as if to show Bas he had nothing incriminating in them. "Come on, it's good. Especially if you didn't eat breakfast."

"I ate breakfast," Bas mumbled.

"Didn't you just say you were running late?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I stopped to eat breakfast. Most important meal of the day, Nicky."

Nick frowned at that. "I'm not as important as breakfast?"

Sebastian finally hit him with a wry smile. "Do you really think you could compare to Preston's Belgian waffles?"

He shrugged. "I like to think I'm just as sweet."

At that, he got a laugh out of his friend. Sebastian shook his head and stifled whatever he was about to say next with a long pull of his coffee. He looked like he needed it.

Nick let him sip at his coffee while he launched into a lengthy explanation of how he had successfully talked two of his professors into letting him merge two term papers on the same topic. But now that meant it had to incorporate elements of his econ class and his sociology class, and he was pretty sure he was overthinking it because his original idea had been great but now it felt like the stupidest idea he'd ever had and-

"The stupidest idea you've ever had was thinking you could handle ten shots of tequila in two hours," Sebastian said, interrupting him after his long-winded plea for help. "This, for once, is smart."

Right. Of course. Nick let out a long sigh and nodded along. "You really think?"

"Yeah, Nicky. You'll kill it." Sebastian's fingers tapped absently against his now empty coffee cup. Geez. Had he actually talked that much? "I'm at the Columbia library every afternoon if you want help, though. You know you're not gonna get a better tutor." He smirked, but it really did lack his usual spark.

"But not today right? Dude, you need a fat nap."

Bas frowned at him. It pulled at his tired eyes as he shrugged. "I don't know. I like the library, and I've got a bunch of work to get done."

Yeah, if Nick was that tired no way would he ever be focusing on homework first. But Bas was obsessed with the stuff. He studied all the time, so much so that Nick wondered how he had time to go to class, study, spend quality time with his boyfriend, and actually enjoy life. Maybe it had something to do with all the coffee he drank. "Yeah, well, I'll pass today. I'd rather have some fresh eyes looking at my work." Sebastian rolled his less than fresh eyes at him. "Besides, I can't today. John's book is being released, remember? My copy's supposed to arrive this afternoon."

Sebastian's fingers stopped tapping. "What?"

"John's book. Remember? The one he wrote about the Warblers."

Sebastian's brows went up. He leaned in. "What?"

How did he not know about this? "You really need to get on some sort of social media. Everyone's been talking about it for the past month. Okay- wait, you definitely know about this. John had to get permission from everyone to put them in the book. Didn't you get, like, an email asking to use your name?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I got some sort of email about a book," this time his brow furrowed, "John asking if he could write about me- about us. I told him to fuck off, of course. So he couldn't put anything about me in there, right?"

"Well, technically. But he's just using pseudonyms for everyone who didn't give him permission. Apparently, Wes is 'Wayne', now."

"What." The color quickly drained out of Sebastian's face. Nick leaned in, worried suddenly that his friend was actually about to faint onto the table.

"Bas. Bas, dude, relax. It's not like your name's going to be tied to anything from Dalton that it hasn't already." Their little steroid scandal had made national headlines after all. An all-boys show choir doping up to be better performers? Yeah, that shit sold. Which was probably part of the reason John even wrote this book. The drama of it all was unbelievable. "You weren't even named as one of the guys that took steroids. And it's not like your name's gonna bring up anything on a- um, slushy incident."

That snapped Sebastian out of his small stupor. His face was still ghostly pale, but he nodded slowly. "I know. I know, Nicky, but it's just… There's some things, you know. John was my roommate. And everyone who knows me or him is going to be able to figure out he's talking about me, pseudonym or not."

That's what bothered him? Nick shrugged. "So, what? He saw you jerking off or something?" Bas rolled his eyes and leveled him with a glare that would have been more intimidating if he didn't look like he'd been sleeping in a gutter for a week. "The book's about the Warblers. I'm sure John didn't want to bother putting in what your bedhead looked like."

Bas paused before he nodded. "I guess… you've kind of got a point," he mumbled. His gaze turned to the windows, watching the street outside. "There's just some things I want to stay private."

"And he'll respect that, Bas. John's not going to spill all your secrets just for a page or two of gossip in his book." Now that he said it though, Nick didn't really believe it. That was the exact type of juicy drama that would make a book sell. But he wasn't going to tell Sebastian that. No, he should remain strong for his friend. Otherwise he might have to call up Preston and let him know that his boyfriend fainted in the middle of a coffeeshop. And Preston was a worrier – Nick really didn't want to deal with that.

He did feel bad for sort of making Sebastian's bad day worse though. The poor guy still didn't have any color in his cheeks.

Nick sighed and glanced back down at his phone. Shit. He had to get to class soon. "It'll be fine," he repeated, leaning forward so Bas would really hear him. He reached out and grabbed the forgotten plate on the table while he did so. "C'mon, you sure you don't want this? I gotta go. Can't be late again or I think I'll be like, banished from the lecture."

Sebastian's lip quirked and he shook his head. "No. I'm good."

He studied his friend for a moment longer. He didn't look too good. But Nick wasn't sure what he could do to help. That stupid book had everyone on edge – but he was sure once they read it and saw that it was just rehashing some old drama, then everything would be fine. They could all go back to catching up during the holidays and reminiscing about the good times.

"Okay, well. Don't stress yourself out." Nick stood up and gathered his things. "And get some sleep today. Don't bother getting another coffee." He swore, no one drank as much of the stuff as Sebastian Smythe.

He gave him a quick goodbye and threw his trash out, glancing back once more to see Sebastian hunched over the table, typing furiously on his phone. He was texting Preston, no doubt. As Nick stepped back out onto the busy sidewalk he considered the fact that Bas probably needed more friends. He only ever seemed to go out with Preston these days, save for their weekly coffee dates. He couldn't remember when that had started to happen, but it probably contributed to the stress that had been plaguing his friend lately. Nick resolved to find Sebastian some more people to hang out with.

Conveniently enough, he himself had just been reacquainted with another old Dalton alum in the city. Well, somewhat of an alum. Either way, Nick was still looking forward to the dinner he had planned with him that night. It meant he wouldn't be able to start reading John's book right away, but that was okay. He'd rather catch up with a friend before he dove into that mess.

And he could discuss Sebastian's weird aversion to the book with someone else. Nick was a little nervous about that – Blaine Anderson definitely wouldn't have a good memory of Sebastian – but that had been a couple of years ago now. Bas had changed, Blaine had probably changed, and Nick had even changed. He didn't care so much what other people thought of him now. He could be friends with whoever he pleased.

As long as he survived class first. Nick hurried down the street, not wanting to be late. Sports Econ was fun, but fuck if that professor didn't like tardiness. His thoughts wandered back to last night's assignment, all thoughts of the impending book of doom leaving his mind.

\--

"Blaine Anderson!" Nick hurried the last few steps to reach the door of the restaurant he was approaching where he spotted a familiarly gelled head walking in. Blaine stopped in the doorway and turned at the sound of his voice with a bright smile on his face.

"Nick!" Blaine's arms wrapped around him with no hesitation. Nick returned the hug with the same fervor, nearly bowling him over with his excitement. They hugged for an extended moment before another voice piped up.

"Okay boys, let's move it out of the doorway."

Nick stepped away from Blaine and immediately moved to hug the owner of that voice. "Kurt! You're here too!" They were at least away from the doorway now. Kurt returned the hug with less enthusiasm than Blaine, but still squeezed Nick the way that friends do after not seeing each other for two years.

"I'm here too!" Kurt agreed. He let Nick go after a moment and pulled away, herding both of the other men into the line. "I can't believe we haven't met up yet. I mean, Blaine, we've all been here for almost a full year now. What's taken us so long?"

Blaine's eyes went wide at being put on the spot. "What? I don't know. We've just been so busy with NYADA, I guess." He shrugged. His hand quickly landed on Nick's shoulder. "Kurt's right though, it's been almost a full year of New York. I want to hear everything you've been up to. NYU? That's so awesome! We have to compare NYC experiences."

Nick was about to respond, but the hostess finally seemed to catch sight of their little group. "How many tonight?" she asked, voice smooth as she already started to pull out some menus.

"Just three," Kurt answered for them. He turned back to Nick, "you're gonna love this place. They have the best blueberry spinach salad."

Nick's nose wrinkled unconsciously at that. Blaine saw and laughed softly. "Don't worry, I always get the quiche. That's pretty good too."

Blaine and Kurt fell into a quiet discussion about why breakfast for dinner was supposed to be a 'light' meal while Nick got settled in the seat across from them. Wow, it was just like being back at Dalton for a second. When they had both attended, of course. But Nick wasn't going to hold a grudge about that. If he didn't want them holding grudges, then he couldn't do the same.

"Ugh, this is amazing guys. I can't believe we're all in the same city!" Nick couldn't help but blurt out even as the couple across from him continued their quiet bickering. "I mean really, who could've expected so many kids from the same high school in Ohio all ending up in New York City? Kurt, aren't there like, a bunch of other McKinley kids here too?"

That at least started a full conversation. Kurt told him all about what all the other McKinley New Yorkers were up to, with Blaine chiming in when needed, and Nick had to admit that some of their drama was pretty interesting. They even managed to order before the topic of any other Dalton boys came up.

"So, Nick, did you get a copy of John's book?" Blaine looked at him expectantly. Nick was almost surprised – wouldn't Blaine want to forget all about Dalton as well?

"Yeah, actually. Mine got delivered today. It's sitting in my backpack." He nodded at the bag in the chair next to him and both Blaine and Kurt leaned in with interest. "Did you guys get one? Or one for each, I guess? I don't know if it would be worth the two copies though. I'm sure it's just a bunch of rehashed gossip-"

"Are you kidding?" Kurt interrupted him before he could insist that the book probably sucked anyway. "A tell-all about a hundred year old all-boys' show choir group at a rich private school? It has to be dripping with good stories."

Next to Kurt, Blaine cocked his head. "Ew, Kurt. Don't describe it like that."

"What? Nevermind. Aren't you excited to find out everything that happened behind the scenes after you left?" Kurt looked at him expectantly and Blaine opened his mouth to reply, but this time it was Nick's turn to cut them off.

"Um, you guys could've just asked us," he pointed out. It was blunt, sure, but true. Maybe he was picking up on Bas's straightforwardness. He blinked at the two of them as both boys turned back to him. "It's not like we had you guys on a blacklist or anything. I mean, we helped Blaine propose." They both had the decency to look sufficiently embarrassed, so Nick decided to throw them a bone. "But yeah, I guess it'll be more interesting to read it. And I am sort of looking forward to getting John's inner monologue on everything. Who wouldn't want to be a character in a book anyway? Did you guys give him permission to use your names?"

"Of course. If I'm going to have any sort of public career in the arts then I don't think it would be a good idea to try and hide my name," Kurt said immediately. He waved his hand at his boyfriend, "Blaine didn't quite think the same."

Blaine shrugged. "I just didn't think it was a good idea to have my name tied to something like that – good or bad. You know, just in case I pick a different career path eventually." That got Nick's attention. NYADA only had like, one career path to take that he knew of – Broadway. He wondered what else Blaine was thinking about. They'd have to start getting together more like this so he could ask about it. He'd missed having his friend around.

"Well, I told him yes too," he admitted. "I didn't see any point in trying to hide it. Fuck, it might even be good for me. The steroid thing still comes up when I google my name," Nick sighed.

"Oh my god. You have to tell us all about that," Kurt said. At least he looked interested in something that Nick had to say. "I'm sure I'll read about it tonight, but I need to know everything. Blaine said you guys had a new captain that year, some guy named Hunter?"

"Yeah," Blaine agreed. "I still can't believe the Warblers had a doping scandal of all things. That had to be hell to go through."

It kind of had been. Sometimes Nick still couldn't believe it when he looked back on it. At least with Blaine and Kurt he would be able to talk about it with outsiders who knew how tight-knit the Warblers had been. Sometimes people didn't really get why none of them had been willing to snitch on each other.

"It was crazy, yeah," Nick said. He was interrupted momentarily by the waiter arriving with their food and he went quiet until the man walked away once more. Being a part of a steroids scandal wasn't something he liked to announce publicly. "John's lucky – he was one of the guys that didn't have to dope up, so I'm sure he'll make that a point in the book." He was still a little bitter about that. Screw not holding grudges, Nick had been jealous of the few guys that had been able to get out of Hunter's iron grip. "Bas was so worried about earlier too, at least he won't be implicated in it."

Kurt blinked at him. "Bas?"

Oh, right. They probably hadn't kept in touch. Nick shifted in his seat before he plowed ahead and gave them a nod. "Yeah, Sebastian," he said.

Kurt's face twisted up as if he'd just sucked on a lemon and Blaine gave him a confused frown before he asked for clarification, "Sebastian Smythe? You talked to him?"

"Yeah," Nick said. He paused, but they both waited for him to go on. "He and I are pretty good friends now. He lives in the city, you know, goes to Columbia for law school. We've been spending a lot of time together since we both got here." He could tell that Kurt was about to spit out something probably less than tasteful, so he hurried to continue, "he's like totally cool now though. He's definitely mellowed out since high school. And he even has a boyfriend now, you guys probably know him even, he goes to NYADA. His name's Preston Avery."

His rambling was quickly interrupted.

"Boyfriend?" Blaine asked, at the same time Kurt repeated, "Preston Avery?"

"Yeah, uhh, you know him?"

Kurt's eyes were wide. "We can't be talking about the same person. I have an improv class with him, he's so sweet and so funny. Are you sure we're talking about the same people?"

They were looking at him expectantly. "Uh, yeah. They met last year. It was kind of funny actually, usually whenever Bas went out with us I'd lose him for the night. But I looked over and he was just talking with this one guy for hours. Turns out it was Preston and they've been dating ever since. They actually moved in together a couple months after they met, it got serious sort of fast."

There was a long moment of silence. Nick watched them both process the information before Blaine spoke up, somewhat tentatively, "that's… nice. I know last I talked to him he was trying to be a better person." His voice was hopeful. Nick knew that he and Bas had been friends before the slushy incident, at least.

Kurt didn't seem convinced. He scoffed. "Ha. I'd have to see it to believe it."

Nick pounced on that. "You can! I'm going out with a few theater kids from my class this weekend, you guys should totally come. We know this bar in Greenwich that doesn't card."

"I don't know, Nick…"

"Please? I don't know them that well. And they'd probably love to be able to talk to some NYADA kids. I actually managed to get Bas to agree to come out, he said he would as long as he could bring Preston. What better way to bury a hatchet than over illegal drinks? Plus, Kurt, you already like his boyfriend. You guys could talk about improv techniques or something."

They looked at each other. Surprisingly enough, it was Kurt who broke the silence. "I think we could use a night out, actually. It's not a karaoke bar, is it?"

"Um, no. We're not that desperate to relive high school."

Kurt smiled and Blaine followed suit. "I guess we'll be there. I'm sure it'll be nice to get out without sitting through a Rachel Berry solo for a night."

Nick laughed at that, more than grateful that he hadn't had to sit through that. He really was doing them a favor, then. "Perfect! And I'm sure we'll all have finished the book by then. I still have to figure out a way to let my professors know that I couldn't finish my homework because I was too busy reading a tell-all book about my high school show choir days."

That opened up a conversation about everything they'd missed out on with each other since Nick and Blaine's sophomore year. The food was good too. Even though he didn't share Kurt's taste, Nick had to admit that he always managed to find the perfect place for everyone's tastes. John's book sat heavy in his backpack, abandoned for the time being. He had the whole night to crack it open though. Kurt and Blaine told him they'd both gotten a copy too. Blaine had apparently suggested reading it together, but Kurt figured with differing class schedules they should each have their own.

It turned out to be a good dinner, all things considered. Nick felt good about it when they finally left a couple of hours later, parting ways to their respective apartments. Only then did he glance down at his phone. His eyes went wide. Six missed texts, four of them from Bas and two from his roommate. His roommate wanted to know when he'd be home, so he quickly answered that.

Bas's texts were different. Apparently he'd gotten his own copy of the book and had found the time to start reading.

From Bas: This book is shit. John Laffrens, your journalism career is going to tank.

From Bas: Seriously, it's so boring. Who cares about how many gay show choir kids kissed each other?

Nick rolled his eyes at that. Apparently that sort of stuff was popular. Drama, and all that. The next couple of texts weren't as light though.

From Bas: I'm going to kill him.

From Bas: Please don't read this book, Nicky.

Nick stopped at the steps to his building. What the hell had John written about? Everyone already knew about Sebastian's greatest hits in high school. Unless… Bas had mentioned there was some private stuff he didn't want out.

There was a growing pit in his stomach. He groped blindly for the rail as his legs went weak. Nick was pretty sure he already had an idea of the secret that could be in this book. Before he could fully start to freak out though, his phone rang. The caller ID was another Warbler, one he hadn't talked to since graduation. One who had shared his same suspicions at Dalton.

Nick stared at his phone for a long moment before he snapped back into action. He hurried up the steps and answered the call on his way to his apartment. "We were right, weren't we?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning Tags at the end for this chapter!
> 
> Thank you all sooooo much for your feedback! You don't even know how much it's helped. 
> 
> I started writing this chapter and then it just got longer, and longer, and there was more I wanted to add so sorry if it's kind of disjointed. But I feel like I'm finally starting to get into the actual story and there's more and more scenes I want to add and I just need to get it all out. 
> 
> Also this is definitely going to be Seblaine! But now as I'm getting into it I'm realizing it's going to be a slow, slow burn. Hopefully that'll make it even more worth it when they finally do get together? 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who commented! I hope this lives up to the intrigue <3 Sorry for any mistakes or bad grammar :(

Wednesdays were his favorite day of the week. God, college turned into such a girl. He had a favorite day of the week.

Wednesday was his favorite, but this Wednesday Sebastian didn’t couldn’t bring himself to move. Somehow he had made it to coffee with Nick. And then his feet had carried him to class on autopilot. After that, a quick stop at his apartment to check out the email he’d gotten about a package being delivered.

He didn’t remember ordering anything, but he had a sinking feeling about what it was.

The box sat right outside his door. Sebastian almost wished it had been stolen, like Preston’s order of ceramic mugs from some Etsy shop. He was pretty sure the couple next door had taken it – the girl had that hipster look that told him their entire apartment was probably decorated with dream catchers and cheap, tacky tapestries. She had probably blacked out at the sight of the Etsy shipping label and snatched it up. Sebastian wished she’d been enough of a bitch to do the same at the independent publishing label.

But no, he was stuck with this box. He sighed and picked up the stupid package, tucking it under his arm while he unlocked the door.

Time slowed as he turned his key in the door. As always, his heartbeat picked up at the mere thought that Preston could have come home early and he could be sitting in there right now, just waiting-

Sebastian stepped inside. The lights were off, everything was still. Like every Wednesday afternoon, he was alone. He let out the breath he’d been holding and took a long moment to let himself decompress in the doorway. The package suddenly felt heavy in his hold. He put it down on the counter and stared at it.

It wasn’t like it could hurt him. It was a stupid book, one that was probably just all lies anyway. He had nothing to be worried about.

John’s email flashed into his mind. The last three sentences had been sent to him, specifically. _Bas, I just want to say that I really think your story needs to be told. We could even collaborate, get more detail and build a solid case if you want. Let me know what you think?_

Sebastian had answered with a resounding, “Fuck off.”

Why couldn’t John have just left it alone? He’d done it once before, it shouldn’t have been that hard for him to do it again. Before he even knew what he was doing Sebastian was peeling the packing tape off and opening the box. Inside sat a maroon-covered book with that awful fucking title inscribed in gold on the front. Who in their right mind would ever willingly read this? At least Sebastian didn’t have to worry about it being a bestseller.

He shrugged his backpack off and unzipped it. There was no way he’d be able to read this thing here, it would be better to bring it to the library. As he lifted the book ( _why_ was it heavy, _what_ could John have possibly written about?) a slip of paper came out with it. Sebastian frowned at it. He dropped the book into his bag and reached down to grab the paper hoping it was just an order slip. No such luck.

_Sebastian,_

Holy shit. John, the fucking writer, included a letter. If Sebastian ever saw him again he was absolutely going to throttle the guy. He might as well read it though.

_I know you weren’t receptive to this idea at first. But I want you to know that I needed to do this. My biggest regret from high school was never trying to help. Now that I’ve grown up a little bit I’m trying to make amends. I’m trying to right my wrongs. Please accept this copy of The Warblers, I hope it’s as healing for you as it is for me._

_Best Regards,_

_John_

What a stuck up, self-absorbed bastard. And that was coming from himself of all people! John had always been an obsessive bitch when it came to his potential career – Sebastian could remember the hours he had watched his roommate pour over college applications – but this was just insanity. Who would think their work was “healing”? What a narcissist. Sebastian still had to read it though, he needed to know just what the hell John had written about him.

He crumpled the note up and tossed it in the trash. Briefly, Sebastian debated grabbing a snack before he made his way to the library. But he’d eaten lunch on campus already. He didn’t need anything else. He zipped his bag up and grabbed the carboard box to toss on his way out. He didn’t want to leave a mess for Preston to come home to.

The book mocked him from his bag his entire walk to the library. Daring him to pull it out and start reading on the sidewalk so he could just _know_.

But he wasn’t crazy, so he didn’t do that.

No, Sebastian waited until he was safe in a secluded corner of the library with another cup of coffee clutched in his hand. He sat down at a table in the tech law section and pulled the book out of his bag. Sebastian stared at it. It was like another textbook, really, he didn’t have to read the entire thing. He just needed a little bit of information.

So why was it so hard to just open the fucking thing?

He took a sip of his coffee, still scalding hot and burning, and opened the cover before he could hesitate again. There was a forward – who cared enough about John to want to know why he’d written this damn thing – Sebastian skimmed through it, finding the same self-righteous “the truth will set you free” shtick throughout. Nothing about him though. Good. He hoped it stayed that way.

The first chapter was a general introduction to John and the Warblers, “ _We were a brotherhood, born out of over 100 years of perfected vocal excellence-”_ Yeah, yeah. Sebastian didn’t care so much about John’s freshman year and how he joined the Warblers. He spent two years living with the guy, he did not need a rehash of his embarrassing puberty stories. Who would read this shit? He sent a text to Nick, letting him know as much, hoping that his friend was too busy with schoolwork to actually read this thing.

He continued to skim through the pages until he got to a particularly interesting tidbit. John’s first time meeting a new character named Bryce Armandson. Okay, pretty shitty Blaine Anderson pseudonym. But it did make him feel marginally better; at least Blaine hadn’t used his real name either. This shit could ruin careers. He hoped it ruined John’s.

“ _Bryce helped put the Warblers back into prominence. His voice stood out, but blended so beautifully with ours in a group performance that we were untouchable. We were champions. We were riding the high of rising stardom in a small Ohio town, and there was nothing better than being one of the cool kids in high school. Pretty soon ever Warbler was wanted by every girl at our sister school – and even by some of the other guys at Dalton. I couldn’t believe how many times I was asked out by my classmates, including my fellow Warblers!”_

Yes John, gay guys existed. Sebastian rolled his eyes and skimmed through the next few chapters all about a few whirlwind romances within the Warblers that he had either been present for or had heard all about after the fact. He saw Kurt Hummel’s name crop up (of course he allowed his real name to be used) and decided to skip that section altogether. Hearing all about how Baine was wooed by some prudish little gay-face wasn’t what he needed for this week. No, his eyes raked over the words looking for any indication that he was close to anything about himself. Okay, there!

“ _With a new year came new changes,”_ cliché much, John? _“Bryce left to follow the love of his life to his own high school, and the Warblers were floundering with his loss as well as the loss of the previous years’ seniors we had no clue what we were going to do. Nick was a good lead but we needed more – we needed an edge. That’s where my roommate came in.”_

Oh good. John finally had something to say about him. _“The first day I met my new roommate was three days before Dalton’s classes started. That was the first oddity. Usually, new kids moved in at least a week before class started. But as I would soon learn this year was going to be anything but usual.”_ How melodramatic. Sebastian rolled his eyes. His fingers tapped incessantly against his still hot coffee as he took a sip. “ _My new roommate’s name was Sawyer Smith.”_ Really? He couldn’t at least have gotten a hot name? Gross, John. _“He was the son of a powerful player in Ohio state politics, and he was just what we needed. Sawyer could not only sing, but he was a godsend of a dancer. At his audition we saw the edge that we needed to pull off another win. Sawyer charmed us. He was fun, he made us laugh, he was a good dance teacher, he had great song selections. We made him captain.”_

This sounded like a freaking obituary. And he had a sinking feeling why. Now Sebastian read closely, eyes trained on every word.

_“The first time I noticed something wrong was around three weeks into the school year. I walked into our shared room on a Sunday afternoon and Sawyer was on the phone, obviously upset. I remember it so clearly – ‘how am I supposed to go to rehearsal tomorrow, Dad?’ That’s what he said. It caught my interest because of rehearsal, and because I’d never seen my roommate so shaken before. He was always so collected, so cool. Nothing could shake him. Except for this phone call. Sawyer jumped at the sound of the door closing and whirled around to face me. I don’t think he expected me back until later because he was only wearing Dalton sweatpants, no shirt, and he looked completely shocked to see me._

_But that must have been because he hadn’t expected for me to see the bruises covering his entire left side. Once he turned I could see it fully. Black and blue colored the taught skin, and as I stared in shock I could see a few more bruises pressed over the rest of his torso. I didn’t know what to say at the sight.”_

Sebastian remembered that. It was much more clear than he thought it would be. He’d tried not to think about that day, but it was fresh in his mind now. He’d begged John-

_‘Dad, I have to go’, was the very first thing he said. Sawyer hung up the phone and stared at me while I stared at him. I was the first one to break the silence._

_‘What happened to you?’_

_He didn’t answer for a long moment. Then he said, ‘I fell’. But he said it like it sounded more like a question, and he still looked like he’d been caught smoking on school grounds. It didn’t make sense anyway, he didn’t have bruises anywhere else. Now I’m not stupid,”_

Yes, you are, John. He was going to kill this bastard. Sebastian’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he checked his phone. No messages, no calls, nothing from Nick yet. He sent another quick message off to him.

_“Now I’m not stupid, I knew he didn’t fall. ‘It doesn’t look like you fell,’ is what I told him._

_It was like all he could do was stare. ‘I fell at lacrosse practice,’ he said next._

_That didn’t make sense either. I asked him why he was complaining to his dad about it, shouldn’t he be in the hospital or something? Because that really didn’t look good. That only seemed to piss him off though, and he took a step towards me. But it obviously hurt him and he had to stop, he sat on the edge of his bed and hid his face in his hands and that’s when I put the pieces together. He wasn’t at the hospital because he didn’t want anyone to know. And my roommate, who had been telling me all about his State’s Attorney father, was trying to cover for that same father.  
  
_

_It all clicked for me then. Sawyer would get calls from his dad and always be upset afterwards. He came back from visits home stiff and silent and always took a few hours to get back to normal. And now had come home covered in bruises with a dad who didn’t seem to care._

_‘Holy shit. Your dad did this to you?’ As soon as I figured it out Sawyer looked up at me._

_‘Shut up’._

_‘Shit, Sawyer. What happened? Why? Oh my god, we need to call the police. We need to-‘_

_‘I said shut up!’ he shouted, and then looked up at me. He looked like he was in so much pain, but I didn’t know what to do. We were just kids, I thought the best thing I could do was call the cops. Or at least call an adult. But Sawyer really didn’t want me to. ‘You can’t tell anyone John. No one. This isn’t what it looks like, and you’re not going to say a damn word about it to anyone.’_

_That didn’t seem right to me. Someone had to know what had happened. What I thought was continuing to happen. ‘But you’re hurt.’_

_He shook his head. 'It’s okay,’ he told me. ‘It’s going to be okay. You just can’t tell anyone.’ His bruises were so fresh and I wondered how exactly his dad had put them there, but Sawyer really didn’t seem to want to tell me. Then he started pleading with me. ‘Please, John? Please, I need you to swear you’re not going to say a word to anyone, alright? You’ll just make things worse. Please?’_

_And I did the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I agreed. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Okay, I won’t tell’. I should have. I should have told any sort of adult, because keeping it a secret was a horrible idea, no matter what Sawyer said. At the time he thanked me, but I would quickly come to regret not saying anything that night. I feel like I could have prevented what was going to happen later._

Sebastian snapped the book shut so fast he surprised himself with it. He blinked at the cover, not fully seeing it at first until he realized he wasn’t reading the words anymore. His heart was pounding in his chest. Fuck, he needed to stop drinking so much caffeine.

Oh fuck. He was so fucking screwed.

He felt like he should be paralyzed. Stuck in this spot for the rest of his life. Maybe that would be for the best, he wouldn’t have to face anyone else that way.

Anyone else. Oh, god. Preston. He grabbed his phone and checked for any unread messages, but it was still quiet. So much time had passed though. His boyfriend would be home in about five minutes and Sebastian wouldn’t be there. That wasn’t good. His hands fumbled with his things as he shoved everything into his backpack. He knocked over his coffee cup, but it was empty and cold by now, and when had that happened?

Sebastian couldn’t even process anything around him. The library could be on fire right now and he wouldn’t know. His mind was stuck on the word rattling around in his head, on the fact that John had written out the worst moments of his life for the world to see. Sure, it wasn’t his name, but every Warbler knew exactly who John was talking about. As he raced down the steps Sebastian fired off another text to Nick, begging a friend to ignore something for the second time in his life.

He knew this was going to be unlikely though. No doubt everyone else’s nosy asses were already enthralled with John’s horrible fucking book. Nick was going to find out soon enough.

It would almost be better if Nick never talked to him again after this. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with the pity. The somber looks. The tentative questions. Oh god, the _questions_. He was going to be under a microscope with everyone who knew about this. Life, when it wanted to fuck him, fucked him hard.

* * *

“Nick. Nicky, now’s really not a great time.”

“You haven’t been answering your phone Bas, you wouldn’t text me back after you- after the- when the book came out. You disappeared!”

“It’s been like a day and a half! We’ve gone longer without talking.”

Sebastian stood in his doorway in pajama pants and a sweatshirt. He’d gotten home from class twenty minutes ago and was ready to hide away on the couch for an hour before his boyfriend returned. He hadn’t expected Nick to show up unannounced to disrupt his plans.

Nick glared up at him. At least he was pissed, Sebastian decided, rather than weepy and pitying. He could handle pissed.

That’s how they ended up trailing behind Nick and his roommate, who Sebastian was mildly sure was named Liam, on their way to the bar. They’d pregamed at Nick’s place and that had been awkward enough. Nick kept _looking_ at him, and then trying to overcorrect himself with a shitty joke or two. His roommate obviously knew the bare bones of the situation and didn’t say anything unless spoken to. Preston for the most part acted as normal as normal could be for him. His boyfriend kept an arm around his waist and was as jovial as he always was on the rare nights they went out.

Sebastian got that. Preston was trying to keep things normal – their version of normal, at least. He wanted to help Sebastian appear normal to his friends. Maybe it would work and they’d all forget about the damn book and stop looking at him like Nick did. Maybe they wouldn’t scrutinize him so closely. He was sure that’s what Preston hoped for, anyway.

What did Sebastian want from the night? To get so plastered that he could forget all about the book, and everything else about his life too.

What did he not want from the night? To have to face more people from his past. How did he let Nick talk him into this again? Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson were two people he did not want to see for very different reasons.

Hummel was going to relish in his misery, he could feel it already. Dough-face had won. He got the guy, the dream school, the life.

Blaine. They’d already made amends after the slushie, but they’d never been the same sort of friends. And the kicker was they were in the perfect place to be friends now. They were in the same city there were new connections, they were young and they had the whole word at their fingertips. But that stupid book had just split his life wide open.

If Sebastian had to see another ounce of pity, of _scrutiny_ , in an old friend’s eyes then he might just refuse to see anyone ever again.

“You alright, babe?” His melancholy musings were interrupted by the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. They’d stopped now at the line to get into the bar and Preston was looking at him, head cocked minutely.

Sebastian took in a deep breath, then nodded. “Yeah. I’m good, yeah, just thinking.”

Preston’s eyes crinkled as a slight smile appeared on his face. His gorgeous fucking face. Preston had the prettiest blue eyes, balanced right above a strong cut jaw. It made sense that he went to NYADA – he had a face for performing, for being fawned over. Sebastian never let himself forget how lucky he was to be with this guy.

So he shouldn’t be thinking about a high school crush. Technically his only crush. The only one that ever made him feel something, anyway.

“C’mon,” Preston’s hand squeezed against his side, “tonight’s not a night to be thinking. It’s a night to have fun.” He leaned in and let his lips brush over Sebastian’s ear, adding under his breath, “just be calm, and let them think that everything’s fine.”

Fine. Everything was fine. Sebastian nodded.

“Can’t you guys wait until we’re at least inside of the club to start making out?” Nick stared up at them. “Do I need to make sure there’s room for Jesus between you two?”

Okay, maybe having friends was kind of nice. It did make it easier to forget about everything outside of having a night out. Sebastian snorted and reached out to shove at Nick’s shoulder. “Relax. Maybe we’ll finally find you a boyfriend of your own.”

His friend tried his best to scoff and whirled around to face the front of the line. “I’m perfectly fine being single, thanks.”

“Perfectly fine?” Sebastian smiled. For the first time in a few days, actually. “When we watched Harry Met Sally he cried and told me _all_ about how lonely he was,” he said to Preston. He made sure his voice carried in front of them.

“Okay, that was-“

Whatever half-assed excuse Nick could give was cut off by a sudden shout, “Nick, hey!”

Sebastian turned his head at the sound. Blaine Anderson. He looked almost the same as the last time they’d seen each other. His hair was gelled beyond what the FDA probably considered safe, and he had Kurt’s arm entangled with his.

At least Hummel wasn’t dressed like an extra out of a sci-fi network movie made for television. Not a poncho in sight. And Blaine wasn’t wearing a sweater vest for once. He actually looked pretty good (he always looked good, Sebastian reminded himself) and he had a bright smile on his face. For Nick, of course.

Blaine waved at their little group as they approached. “Nick! What’s up, you didn’t answer my text?”

Nick swore under his breath and quickly started to at down his pockets. “Shit, my bad. I forgot to check it, I’ve been busy making sure _someone_ doesn’t get arrested for public indecency.”

“Dude, I told you, when you have to pee you have to pee.” Liam leaned into Nick’s space, and holy shit, Sebastian had forgotten that the guy was even still with them.

“That doesn’t mean you have to whip your dick out in public,” Nick said, matter of fact. Behind him Preston snorted and Sebastian found a smile growing on his own face. He tried to keep it there as the awkwardness of the situation really started to set in. “Oh, right. Sorry. The flasher is my roommate, Liam. Liam, this is Kurt and this is Blaine.”

Thank god Nick started with the introductions. Sebastian felt the eyes on him as Kurt and Blaine both turned to face him. “And, well, you both know Sebastian. And I think you know Preston…?”

His boyfriend nodded. “Yeah! Hey guys, what’s up? Kurt and I have a class together actually.” Preston was all smiles. Thank god. Sebastian needed at least another minute before he was able to talk. “And I’ve definitely seen Blaine perform before. You’re a hell of a singer.”

Sebastian surprised himself and everyone else by speaking up, “that’s what everyone always said back at Dalton, too.” Suddenly everyone turned towards him. While he would have loved to be the center of attention two or three years ago, this sort of attention was not what he had in mind. “Hey Blaine. Kurt. Nice to see you guys again.”

Kurt spoke up for the both of them. “It’s been a few years, yes.” One of his arms was in a tight lock with Blaine’s, and his other had his hand resting on top of their linked arms. Okay, as if Sebastian still wanted to steal his boyfriend. He fought the urge to roll his eyes. They were all on thin ice right now, he wasn’t going to be the one that made it worse.

“Yeah, I mean, Nick said you’re going to Columbia now. That’s so cool!” Blaine tried to save it. Of course he was being nice. Sebastian knew exactly why, too. They all knew.

Next to him Preston laughed loud enough to get everyone’s attention. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s great,” he clarified when Blaine gave him a confused look. “But we all know what’s going on here. I don’t think we have to beat around that bush, Sebby’s been on edge the past couple of days because you of some book that came out about your guys’ show choir?”

Well, that was a conversation killer. “We don’t need to get into that,” he insisted with a forced laugh. “Like ever, guys,” he added to the rest of the group. Even Liam, who nodded along in vague interest.”

“What? I think we should just get it out in the open.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that.” Sebastian tried to laugh again, but it got stuck in the back of his throat. “ _I_ think we should wait until we’ve all had a few more shots.” Only Nick and Liam seemed to be benefitting from the bottle of bottom shelf vodka they’d all shared at the pregame. Sebastian definitely needed at least one, or two, or five more shots of something strong to even begin to stomach this conversation.

“We can do that!” Nick sounded about as comfortable as he felt. That was the good thing about this sort of topic, no one actually wanted to talk about it. “Line’s moving anyway.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and glanced over all of his unread messages. “My friends from school are already here, they said the cover’s ten bucks.”

Everyone blessedly fell into silence to fish around for some cash and Sebastian took the moment to breathe. Next to him, Preston pulled his wallet out of his coat pocket. Sebastian hardly ever carried cash anymore because whenever he did go out, it was with his boyfriend. The arm around his waist left for the first time that night so Preston could fish out a twenty for the bouncer.

As everyone paid and filed in Sebastian took in the sight of Nick’s pick for the night. It was definitely a college bar. Everyone there was either underage or looking specifically for someone underage to hang out with for the night. The lights were low and the décor consisted of a vague mishmash of different New York sport jerseys. In all, not the worst place he’d ever been in, and definitely not a bad place to get drunk in.

Kurt was looking at the floor in vague distaste though. Sebastian watched him lean closer to Blaine to complain about the sticky vodka scented liquid that was soaking into his shoes.

He should let them have their moment. “I’ll go get us drinks.” It was still somewhat early in the night, so the bar was busy but not packed. Sebastian didn’t have to talk too loud over the noises around them. “You guys can find Nick’s friends and get us a table.”

“I can help you grab drinks,” Blaine piped up next to him. Sebastian looked at him with a raised brow, but it was nothing compared to the way Kurt’s head whipped around to stare at him. “You’ll probably need help carrying it all,” he explained with a shrug.

A few other people entered and their little group parted to clear up space for others to walk. Blaine ended up closer to him, with Kurt still hanging off of his arm. “And, I want to talk to you Sebastian,” he added, though it was a little quiet for a bar. Only he seemed to hear that.

“Oh, don’t worry about it man. We can handle a few drinks.” Preston was back in his personal space. He smiled as he kissed Sebastian’s cheek.

“Hey! This way!” Nick called out from a few tables over. “Kurt, Blaine, you gotta come meet these guys.” He pointed at a small group that had put a couple of tables together.

That was that. Sebastian shrugged. “You guys go ahead. We’ll get a couple of pitchers for the whole table, Nick knows the drill.”

Blaine hesitated, but Kurt tugged lightly on his arm. “They’ve got it. We should go meet Nick’s friends, that’s what he wanted isn’t it?”

It only took a couple more seconds before he and Preston were alone at the bar. Sebastian watched his friends congregate before he turned to order. He knew what Nick liked, and Liam had been fine with anything. As far as he knew Blaine was fine with beer, but he had no idea what dainty Ms. Hummel would want. He didn’t seem like the type to like beer, and since Sebastian was being nice now he decided to give them all options. And shots. Preston’s hand wandered back up his side while he ordered. “So, I still can’t believe you knew Blaine Anderson in high school,” he started.

It would take the bartender a couple of minutes to get everything made and Sebastian wished he had ordered at least one shot to put back while they waited. “Yeah well, I told you weren’t exactly best friends.”

Preston hummed. He couldn’t figure out if that meant he was upset or not.

“It’s still weird to me. I mean, he’s one of the favorites at NYADA you know.”

“He should be. He’s always been a great singer. One of the best, actually.”

Preston snorted at that and he wanted to turn to him then and tell him to be nice, but that would be a little hypocritical of him. Thankfully the bartender brought over a tray of shots for them. Sebastian had vaguely counted out the number of Nick’s friends that were there, but if there were extras he wouldn’t be upset about it. In fact, he grabbed one now and knocked it back. Preston laughed at him and just picked up the pitcher that was set in front of him.

Even with two of them it was still a bit of a struggle to get the pitchers, shots, and cups all over to the tables, but they managed without dropping anything. Nick and Liam were well entrenched in a conversation with the theater kids from NYU but Blaine saw them coming and managed to make enough room to squeeze them in.

“It’s everyone’s lucky day,” Sebastian announced with the brightest smile he could muster, “I got shots. Who wants Patron?”

That got some attention. A few of the NYU kids shouted out intelligible encouragement once the shots started to be passed out while Nick just groaned.

He elbowed his way over to Sebastian’s other side. “Dude, you know this isn’t gonna be good for me.”

“You don’t have to do the shot, Nicky.”

“No, I’m gonna do it. But it’s not gonna be good.”

Sebastian laughed and handed him one. Nick disappeared again to go talk to some guy in a beret, which left him face to face with Kurt Hummel instead. “Hey guys,” he greeted once more, leaning over just a little to catch Blaine’s eye on Kurt’s other side. “Shots?”

Kurt made a face and Blaine obviously followed his mood, “I don’t know…”

“I got beer to chase it with, and, Princess Hummel, if you’re not a fan there’s vodka tonic too.”

Next to him Preston chuckled low into his ear. “Be nice, Seb,” he chided gently. “Don’t worry, it’s the good stuff,” he added when he saw the look on Kurt’s face. “That’s all he’ll drink these days too, so it’s Grey Goose.”

“Well, if you’re paying,” Kurt finally huffed. He glanced between the two of them, and it must have been Preston’s arm wrapped around him that put him more at ease, because he accepted a shot and a cup with a small smile. Right. All it took was a whole other man to let this guy know that Sebastian’s boyfriend stealing days were over.

It was a little bit worth it though, because when Kurt loosened up Blaine gave him a bright smile.

Sebastian passed a shot off to him, and soon they were all giving a somewhat awkward cheers before they knocked them back.

“Fuck! Bas, this is _so_ not good for me!” Nick yelled out from across the table. That at least got everyone to laugh as they tried to rinse the taste of alcohol out of their mouths with more alcohol.

He turned back to Kurt and Blaine. “Just wait, in about an hour, that’ll be the funniest man you’ve ever met in your life,” he told them.

Blaine laughed. “Who? Nick? I can’t believe he’s even out partying.”

“Turns out the guy’s a real comedian when he’s drunk. That’s what happens when your parents are too strict in high school, you go crazy in college.”

Preston leaned into the conversation. “You would know, huh Seb?” he joked, digging his elbow into Sebastian’s side. It was a small joke. A little dark, sure, but he didn’t think it was that bad. But it seemed that the mention of parents, specifically his, put both Blaine and Kurt into a stunned trance. Kurt’s mouth fell open and Blaine’s eyes widened even more.

He laughed it off. “Yeah, really. I went so crazy that I got a steady boyfriend,” he teased right back. Okay something had to be done before someone got weepy. And with the way some of the NYU kids were looking at them right now, it was only a short amount of time before one of them asked what was going on. And he was not going to explain this to strangers.

He deflected quickly, “how about you guys? Have you gotten up to anything crazy here in the big city?”

Blaine recovered first. His mouth turned into a small frown, lips pulled tight before he gave his head a small shake. “No, no not really. NYADA’s course load is a little rigorous actually.”

“Well, _I_ have,” Kurt broke in. “I’m a singing waiter, actually. I work with Rachel and Santana. I’m sure you remember both of them Sebastian.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You work with them too? Wow, do you guys have any friends that aren’t from high school.”

“Well…”

“I wouldn’t say there’s none, I’ve met a couple of guys.”

“Right, a couple of guys.”

“I really don’t think that now is the time to get into _my_ friends, Blaine.”

Sebastian let out a low whistle before that conversation could delve into any more of a fight. At least the topic wasn’t on him anymore though. “Okay, okay. So you guys are still reliving the glory days, huh? As long as we’re doing that I think I owe you another shot for beating us at Sectionals, B.”

That was a high school topic that everyone could at least spend hours talking about.

“I still can’t believe you guys took steroids!”

‘You guys’? No way, not me. You’ll have to talk to Nicky about that one.”

Nick joined them for a few minutes to commiserate as well. “It was insane! My face gained muscle! How the fuck does that even happen? I can’t believe we let Hunter talk us into that.”

At his scoff, his friend turned to him. “Okay, just because you had that senior year phase where you refused to talk to straight people doesn’t mean you weren’t one of us too. Hunter thought he was freaking Mussolini or something.”

“That wasn’t a phase, Nick. I still refuse to talk to breeders.”

Somehow they all ended up laughing together. It was nice to know that what had felt like the end of the world at the time wasn’t such a big deal now. In fact, they could joke around about it. And Sebastian even cracked a few jokes with the guy he once considered to be the most annoying kid in the greater Midwest.

Of course his one good night had to be ruined. They were listening to one of Nick’s friends debate which Sondheim songs were better with Kurt when he noticed his phone light up on the table. It was an incoming call. From a number that made his heart jump into his throat.

He wanted to ignore it so bad.

“I’ll be right back,” he muttered into Preston’s ear. He grabbed his phone and headed out to a side door marked for a smoking area. It was still noisy when he stepped outside, but he could at least hear the voice on the other end of the phone. “Dad? Hello.”

“Sebastian.” They were hundreds of miles apart and he already had the urge to back up, to look for a place to run to. “I got your message from my secretary.”

The message he had left yesterday. But he didn’t bring that up. “Uh, yeah, that. I was hoping you’d be able to get a team on some sort of copyright-”

“Don’t tell me how to handle this. I know what I’m doing,” his father cut him off and he immediately snapped his mouth shut. “I’m going to get this book out of publication and off of shelves. See to it that you never let something like this happen again.”

He sucked in a sharp breath. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Just know that John planned on writing an expose for his fucking show choir? “I told him not to use my name,” he defended himself. Weakly.

“And you should have hit him with a lawsuit the second this thing was in production. You had some idea that this boy wanted to go around writing libelous claims.” His father’s voice was always commanding, but sometimes it had this edge that made his heartrate pick up. This was one of those times. “Honestly Sebastian, you are in law school. What the hell are you doing if you’re not practicing?”

“I-I’m in school, Dad. I’m studying. It’s Columbia, it needs a lot of time and attention and-”

“That is no excuse. When I was in law school, you know what I was doing? Interning for the New York D.A.’s office.” God, this shit again? His dad was ancient, times had changed, school had become much more demanding. Besides, he knew his dad didn’t actually get up to any real interning. “You should know better. Stop acting like you’re fucking stupid, boy.”

Heat flared in his chest. “Oh, yeah, maybe I’ll pick up an internship like yours. I’m sure it’s not even that hard to snort coke in a senator’s office while you’re networking,” he scoffed. It had come out before he could stop it. Sebastian actually expected the hit that was sure to follow.

He took a few steps back, but all that was in front of him was the brick of the building next door.

“You need to stop talking to your mother when she’s on her pills,” his father’s voice growled in his ear.

“She’s always on her fucking pills.” He rolled his eyes. At least his dad couldn’t see that.

“Get your shit together, Sebastian. I can’t have a scandal getting out, so it’s about time you learn some responsibility.”

His dad hung up before he could fire anything else off at him. That was probably for the best. It felt like he was having an allergic reaction to his own attitude. His throat was tight and he took a few more steps back until he hit the cold wall behind him. Slowly, he let himself slide down onto the ground.

He thought that after nineteen years of going through this shit he would learn to not talk back to his dad, but for some reason he always found just the right words to piss him off. Sebastian shut his mouth tight and shoved his hands back into his pockets while he stared blankly at the opposite wall. He just needed a moment, just one moment to put himself back together so he could go inside and face everyone.

“Sebastian? Are you okay? What- Who was that?”

That voice. Of course it would be him of all people to find him. Sebastian tried to sigh, but his breath caught in his throat. _You should know better_ echoed back in his head. He should know better than to pour his feelings out to someone like Blaine. Someone who might actually care.

He gave his head a small shake and looked up. “My dad’s gonna beat the shit out of me the next time he sees me,” he said with a wry smile. It didn’t feel convincing, but it didn’t have to feel that way, did it? It just had to look convincing.

In front of him Blaine blinked, stupefied, before he found his voice again. “Don’t joke about that.”

The words sounded strained to his ears. Shattered. Sebastian let them sit in the air before he shrugged. “It’s not a joke, it’s…” True, yes. But not something he felt particularly bad about. “It’ll be alright. That’s why I don’t go home for the holidays.” Was there ever going to be a day when he didn’t have to force a smile? It felt even harder now than it did in high school, which wasn’t fair. It was supposed to get easier now that he wasn’t home.

He wondered if something showed on his face, because Blaine didn’t smile along with him.

“We both know you read it.” They had to just get through this. Sebastian still hadn’t had enough to drink to talk about this, but what he wanted more than being shitfaced was to have a normal, friendly conversation with Blaine. To go back to what they were before. He would take him as a friend, if he could.

Blaine’s shoes came closer. They were a maroon-ish color, a color that had always looked good on him. Sebastian watched them scuff along the gravel before Blaine’s face came down to meet his. He sat down next to him and mimicked his pose with his back against the wall and his knees drawn up. “I’m over halfway through it. I just passed everything to do with the, uh, the slushie.”

He made a soft noise, some sort of acknowledging hum. He hadn’t read that far yet, but he had a pretty good idea of what John had written. He’d been there, after all. “I’m gonna sue him for every penny he makes off of that thing.” Sebastian turned his head to look at Blaine. “That’s what I was just talking to my dad about. I asked for his help.”

Blaine opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Speechless, then. Sebastian decided that meant he could continue.

“John’s about to have the full legal force of the D.A.’s office coming down on him. Which is nice, I guess.” He took in a deep breath and let it out just as forced. “He’d just pissed that I didn’t do anything sooner. That I couldn’t figure it out on my own.”

A hand landed on his forearm. “Sebastian,” Blaine murmured, “I am so, so sorr-”

“Don’t.” God, Blaine’s eyes were so wide. So open. He could see the earnestness in his face right there. How had New York not taken that out of him yet? “Don’t apologize for something that’s not your fault.”

“No, I could have-”

“You couldn’t have done anything. I was an asshole for a reason, okay? I didn’t want friends, there was an obvious reason I didn’t want to get close to anyone.”

Blaine’s fingers curled a little tighter around his arm. His brow furrowed. “Bas, we _were_ friends though.”

And that was true, wasn’t it? They had been friends. Real friends who talked every day about nothing, just because they needed someone to talk to. Because Sebastian had been stupid and lonely and so drawn in by a boy with a beautiful voice. “Yeah,” he admitted softly. “That was my mistake. I guess I just _really_ liked you.” More than he’d known what to do with.

How was he even able to look at Blaine right now? He didn’t deserve the pity in his gaze, and he sure as hell didn’t want it.

“We could be friends again now,” Blaine offered softly. His fingers were still warm on Sebastian’s bare skin. It felt like a touch he wasn’t familiar with. Something gentle, with no meaning behind it other than to offer a small comfort. He continued on, “my number’s still the same, you know. We should talk some more. About being friends, about the book, what happened-”

“Sebby!” Sebastian inhaled sharply. His whole body jolted at the sudden shout of his name and he looked up to find Preston in the doorway now.

“Hey,” he said back, “sorry to keep you waiting. I just got a call, and then B and I got caught up talking about old times.”

Preston looked them both over as he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll bet. There’s a lot to catch up on, huh?” He smiled and crossed the small space of the alleyway to offer his hand to Sebastian. “Come on though babe, we don’t go out often enough to be sitting around half the time.” He took Preston’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

Before he could turn and offer the same help to Blaine his boyfriend did it for him. “I think Kurt’s looking for you too, ‘B’,” he said with a soft chuckle. “We’ll catch you inside?”

Blaine nodded. But he hesitated, looking between them both. He was waiting for Sebastian to say something, he realized after a moment.

“Right behind you,” Sebastian assured him. “And hey, B. Mine’s still the same too,” he added before he could open the door.

Blaine gave him a small smile. “Good to know.” He disappeared back into the bar.

It was cold out, Sebastian realized as he turned back to Preston. He wanted to tell him that, to ask if they could go back inside, but his lips were suddenly busy with a kiss.

Preston’s hands settled on his waist, holding him in place as his mouth moved against his own. They kissed for an extended minute before Sebastian pulled away. He tried to catch his breath as the same mouth that had been on his own pressed small kisses to his jaw. “What’s still the same?” Preston mumbled against his skin.

“Hm?”

“Blaine. You told him yours ‘is still the same’.”

Sebastian laughed a little as Preston’s mouth got too close to his neck, tickling slightly. “My fashion sense,” he murmured, “we were reminiscing. We both have the same fashion sense as in high school.”

“Mm.” Preston pulled back to look at him. He gave him a gentle smile and begged whoever was up there that he was as convincing as ever. There was a pause before Preston gave him a small nod. “That’s what happens when you guys had to wear uniforms all the time. Couldn’t develop a sense of style.” He leaned in to resume their kiss and Sebastian relaxed a fraction under his hands.

“That has to be what it was,” he agreed with a relieved little laugh. “Now seriously, can we go back inside? It’s getting a little cold out.”

“Actually,” oh no. Preston had another idea, “I was thinking we could just head home instead. The bar’s overpriced anyway.”

That wasn’t really a problem for him. “But my friends are in there,” he reminded him.

An actual laugh left his boyfriend’s mouth. “Friends? Didn’t you say you guys haven’t talked in a couple of years? They’re not even fun anyway.”

Sebastian didn’t think so. But he could tell this wasn’t an argument he was going to win. “Can’t we just stay a little longer?” he tried to compromise.

Preston sighed. “Sebby, I want to go home. This place is a drag, so c’mon. Just send Nick a text that you’re not feeling well or something.” He reached into Sebastian’s own coat pocket to pull out his phone for him. So it really wasn’t much of a choice. “Besides, you don’t want to just talk about that old high school drama all night. It only makes you seem boring and washed up. That’s not you, babe.” Okay, that was a valid point.

Sebastian sighed and took his phone to do as he said. He apologized to Nick and let him know he’d see him next Wednesday, like usual, before he let his boyfriend lead him out of the alley. They passed the dimmed windows and he looked in to catch a glimpse of anyone he knew, but there were too many people crowded around too many tables. It looked warm in there. Preston led him on though, and soon they were back with the crowds on the streets. An arm wrapped around his waist and he fought the urge to look back once more. There was no reason to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for descriptions of child abuse and referenced drug use (that one's a throwaway line near the end)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> professors be like please write 500 words for class and i'm like no <3 then i write 10,000 words of fic like a maniac 
> 
> anyway sorry this chapter took so long to get up! i just started school again so it's been kind of hectic. also this one was rough in the first draft, like really really bad, so it took a while to try and turn it into something salvageable. 
> 
> but! i will be trying to do like a chapter a week from here on out so feel free to hold me to that <3 <3
> 
> also thank you all so much for your reviews!!!!!!! genuinely they mean so much to me and im sorry i wasn't able to reply on the last chapter but i did keep looking at them for inspiration i LOVE that you were all starting to pick up what i was putting down, it makes me so so happy. i hope you all enjoy this chapter and i would love to hear your thoughts!! even the little simple ones, every review means so much to me!!
> 
> also TW at the footnotes.

Blaine had to admit that going out with people that weren’t their McKinley friends was actually kind of fun. Not that there was anything wrong with their McKinley friends, but it was nice to be able to meet new people.

But he did wonder why it was taking Sebastian so long to come back inside.

He probably needed some air. He’d said that it was his dad he’d been talking to, it was understandable that he might need a few minutes to calm down. Besides, he had Preston with him. The boyfriend. Something Blaine still couldn’t wrap his head around. Since when had Sebastian wanted to settle down with anyone? At least Preston seemed nice.

“Blainey!” Nick appeared back at his side, slipping his way between him and Kurt at the table. “Hey man. Listen, Bas just texted me. I guess he’s not feeling well or something so he’s going home.”

What? But he’d just been talking to him.

Why did that disappoint him so much? He shouldn’t even feel bad, of course Sebastian would want to go home. It had probably been a long week for him, and he’d just talked to his Dad… “Oh. Okay, sure. I’m surprised you actually checked your messages to catch that.”

Nick gave him a mean side eye that would have been more intimidating if he didn’t have his bangs falling onto his forehead and a red flush on his face. “ _Wow_. You miss like, five or twenty messages and suddenly your asshole friends make it your _thing_.” He rolled his eyes. “Can you believe this guy?” he muttered, quite loudly, to Kurt.

They both laughed at that, much to Nick’s chagrin. “Sorry, man,” he apologized. Completely sincere, of course. “I’ll be more considerate from now on.”

“You’re just lucky I’ve had,” he paused to count on his fingers, “five shots by now. Otherwise Dalton Fight Club would so be back on.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped open. “Hey! No talking about it.”

“Whatever,” Nick shrugged and waved him off, “pretty much every other secret we had has been blown open for the world to see. Read. Whatever the fuck that book is.”

“Dude!” One of the NYU girls at Nick’s side overheard apparently and grabbed his arm. “You have got to stop talking about that book!” She gave him a small shake and Nick rolled his eyes. “It’s all he’s been talking about for the past week,” the girl yelled at him and Kurt over the chatter of the bar. “Come on, we’re gonna go play darts. Losing team is buying shots.”

Her enthusiasm was a little infectious, actually. And Nick couldn’t say no to a little friendly competition, so they grabbed their drinks and waded through the bar after him.

One game of darts became a tournament. Blaine learned that he was actually a pretty good player once he had a few drinks in him and he quickly became a hit with the small NYU crowd. Which surprised him. He was used to McKinley, to NYADA especially being all about cliques and established groups. But these kids were just happy to have more people to party with.

It reminded him of Dalton. He’d thought about Dalton enough the past few days though. This was a new beginning, a new city. He could branch out now.

“Yeah, Blaine!” One of his teammates, a perky girl named Riley, passed him a celebratory shot, courtesy of the losing team. “You’ve gotta come out with us next time too. We didn’t know Nick was holding out on us like this.”

He knocked back the shot, barely able to taste the alcohol in whatever sweet concoction that was. That had to be dangerous. “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s all about, like, the physics or something,” he explained, doing his best not to slur his words. It was harder than he remembered it being. “I could show you how to shoot if you want?” he offered, more than happy to make some new friends.

Riley smiled and nodded enthusiastically, but before he could help her throw a dart he found himself being tugged away by Kurt’s hands on his arm. “No, no no. That’s fine, we should really be going,” he heard the words crashing over his shoulder.

“Leaving?” Blaine turned to him in shock. “But- there’s still a party!”

Kurt smiled tightly at him, then at the girl. She got the message and turned to find her friends once more. “She was _so_ flirting with you,” he huffed at Blaine.

His jaw dropped. “What? No way!”

“I don’t know why this is so shocking for you, straight girls love you,”

He looked back at the group of people and frowned in concentration. “Nick!” he called over his friend once he spotted him. Nick stared at him wide eyed before he hurried over. “Hey, Nick- Nicky. Your friend Riley, do you think she’s… into me?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. All the girls are like in love with you.” Nick rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re a hit.”

Kurt’s arms wrapped around one of his own as he leaned in closer to Nick. “Okay, yeah. I think that’s our cue to leave.”

Nick pouted at first, then glanced at his phone. “I guess it is kind of late. I definitely wanna make it home in time to order food.” Oh god, food sounded so good now that he mentioned it. Blaine could get onboard with that. “Alright, sure. Let me just grab Liam and say goodbye. Oh, and Blaine, don’t forget that some friends wanna give you their numbers!” That, he yelled loud enough so everyone else could hear it.

Blaine leveled a glare at Nick’s drunken wink, but quickly lost him in the ensuing madness of three different NYU girls asking for his number. By the time Kurt was able to help him maneuver away from the, ‘oh, you go to NYADA? Like for theatre? Is that your boyfriend?’ questions, he hoped they’d all gotten the hint.

“You’re a dead man,” he hissed at Nick, who quickened his pace so he could hide behind his roommate while they walked out.

Their walk continued like that, with the two of them all but chasing each other down the streets of New York. It was stupid, it was fun, and Blaine forgot about anything more serious while he tried his best to catch the squirrely form of his friend.

They made it back to Nick’s building without anyone getting seriously hurt, but Blaine was pretty sure the stairs would do them all in. Nick had a hard time staying upright once he burst through the door to his floor, even. “Oh my god.” Kurt reached out to try and steady Nick before he fell flat on his face, but his own feet weren’t all that steady and they both ended up stumbling into the wall.

“Shh, shhh,” Nick whispered. Loudly. “The neighbors! You’re going to wake the neighbors up.”

“Only if you break another door,” his roommate whispered back.

“A door?” Kurt all but shrieked. At that they heard a loud thump from down the hall, which bolted Nick into action. He laughed and pushed himself off of the wall to hurriedly make it the rest of the way to his own apartment.

Nick kept shushing them, even as he loudly complained that he couldn’t remember which pocket his keys were in. It took some suggestions from all of them until Nick found them in his right pocket, “dude, I never put them in there!”

“You always put them there!” Liam yelled once they all burst into the apartment. Blaine had enough self-awareness to be thankful that it wasn’t a typical college guys’ apartment. It didn’t smell like sewage and there was only a mild amount of empty cups and cans scattered around the counters.

Nick ignored it all in favor of making a lurch towards the couch. It didn’t look comfortable enough to sleep on, but he sure looked like he was about to try. He crawled over the arm and shoved his face into the cushions. “Blaine?” he called out, voice muffled.

Blaine snorted. “What?”

“My phone.” He rolled onto his back with all of the energy he could muster and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Take it. Pizza.” In a surprisingly coordinated move he tossed his phone in Blaine’s general direction. Even though he managed to catch it, it was still way too much movement for his inebriated state. He stumbled to his knees with Nick’s phone in hand and decided it would be alright to just stay down there.

He leaned against the chair Kurt had sprawled over and put his head on his fiancé’s knee. He glanced down to see what had been pulled up on the little screen and let out an appreciative groan. Food sounded so good right now. “Oh, wait. You have your card info saved into the pizza delivery app?”

Nick, laid out on his couch with one arm hanging off of it and one thrown over his face, let out a long-suffering sigh. “You don’t?”

Blaine wasn’t sure how he was the one that was being shamed. He laughed and did as Nick said, ordering him pizza and breadsticks that would hopefully soak up the hangover that would threaten them all in the morning. While he did that Liam joined them, passing out a few more cans of beer. Blaine took his and obediently set Kurt’s on the coffee table when he handed it off to him in distaste. “Alright man, sit up.” Liam knocked his knee into Nick’s side. “You’ll puke if you’re just lying there.”

It seemed that had happened before, even though Nick strongly insisted that it hadn’t. He sat up though, and managed to stay upright as he leaned back against the couch. But he missed his phone when Blaine tossed it back to him. Liam sat next to him and soon they were discussing which episode of The Office to put on. Blaine let their voices fade into the background while he sipped at his beer.

“What are you thinking about?” Kurt asked softly after a few minutes of drunken contemplation.

Maybe it was because he was drunk, or because he was just weighing so heavy on his mind, but Blaine sighed and said, “Sebastian.”

On the other side of the table Nick stopped talking to look at them. Kurt’s eyes narrowed. “Why? Because of… of the book?” he asked, more tentatively than he usually would have.

“No.” He shook his head and watched Kurt’s nose wrinkle in distaste. “No, well, it’s about that and at the bar earlier,” he corrected.

“What about it?”

Blaine was now very aware that Nick was watching him too, waiting for an answer. “He’s just so… different.”

“Right?” Nick chimed in.

“Well, you guys did say he grew up a little. He’s trying to be ‘nice’ now,” Kurt said.

“I don’t think it’s just that.” Blaine didn’t want to tell them about their small talk in the alley – Sebastian had enough of his life shared – but there was more to it than that. “He was just quiet,” he tried to explain. “Like when- okay, after everything with Karofsky, he still talked, he was still animated. Tonight he was just a little, well, dull.”

That didn’t seem like it stuck with Kurt. But he didn’t know Sebastian that well, and there was someone else who certainly did.

“Ugh, I know,” Nick groaned from the couch. He tilted his head back than quickly picked it back up, eyes rolling around for a long second. “Whoa. Ugh. No, but, it’s been like this for months now. He doesn’t wanna go out anymore. Ask Liam, we _always_ used to go out together.”

Liam gave a commiserative nod and picked up Nick’s phone. He sighed at the screen. “Yeah, really. Usually Bas payed for the pizza _and_ made sure it was delivered by the time we made it home.”

“Well I’m sorry I can’t be him.” Nick snatched his phone back. “Anyway. He doesn’t come out anymore, and he’s a lot more quiet, and you _can’t tell him_ I said this, but…” he trailed off and Blaine leaned forward, waiting.

“But what?”

“But I think it’s ‘cause of Preston,” he finished in a mumble.

Blaine frowned in thought. Above him, Kurt didn’t seem so sure. “What do you mean? If anything he’s probably a good influence on Sebastian.”

“Yeah, good if you only ever want to hang out at home with your boyfriend. Like all the time. They live together! They moved in together after three months! Like that’s weird, you get how that’s weird, right?”

He definitely agreed. He wasn’t sure if Kurt did, but the more he learned about Sebastian’s relationship, the more he didn’t like. Was it his place to judge, though? It wasn’t like they were close anymore. But they could be. He wanted to be. He hoped Sebastian wanted to be too. It hit him then that they’d shared some parting words – they both still had each other’s phone numbers. “Have you talked to him about it?” he asked while wondering if he should try and text him.

“Have I-? What kinda question is that? Of course I have! He always says it’s fine, it’s whatever, they just really click or some other stuff.” Nick waved his hand, forgetting there was a beer can in it. “He doesn’t like to talk about it. About how I only see him once a week for, like an hour.” His mouth pulled into a deeper frown.

“Well has he told you why they don’t go out that much?” Kurt prompted.

“Some- some bullshit about being busy, or it’s date night, or Preston has a performance in the morning. It’s just a bunch of excuses-” Blaine patted at his pockets for his phone. He really should send a text just to make sure he got home alright. From his spot on the floor he listened as the conversation above him continued. “- And then he told me he couldn’t come because he had a paper due the next day, but it was the middle of Summer. How does that make sense?”

“It doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t!”

“Do you think it’s…?” Once Kurt trailed off he looked up at him, wondering what he was about to say. Kurt’s eyes were wide, more sober than Blaine thought they could be after everything they had drank at the bar. The implication of what the conversation had turned to hit his own drunk mind a few seconds later.

Blaine turned to look at Nick. His jaw had gone tight and he was quiet for an extended moment. “I wouldn’t,” he finally murmured, also sounding more sober than any of them should be, “I wouldn’t be thinking it if it wasn’t for that book.”

The book. The topic that had hung over them all night, and now it came up without Sebastian there. “I didn’t know how to bring it up with him,” Blaine murmured, “the book. And I think if- what if what you’re thinking is true, and Preston really is- This would be bad for him. Preston. Because Sebastian’s friends would be a lot more…”

“Aware,” Nick finished for him when he trailed off. “Like I look at him different now. And I know he doesn’t want me to but fuck, I read about his dad beating the shit out of him, am I supposed to pretend that doesn’t exist?”

It was hard. Blaine definitely couldn’t get it out of his head. He wanted to do the same as Nick – he wanted to be extra careful, because what if it was happening again? “Are you really worried that Preston might be…?”

He looked at Nick and Nick just picked his head up to gaze at him. His eyes were bloodshot, half closed still and he couldn’t keep his head steady, but his words were, “yeah, I am. But like, it’s not even something I would be thinking about if it wasn’t for that book.” He sighed. “I wondered sometimes back in high school, you know. He would just say shit about his dad or something and I thought maybe I was looking to far into it, but,” Nick didn’t seem to know how to finish his sentence, but he understood the implication all the same.

His instincts had been right last time. It would be a good idea to listen to them now. “What can we do? I mean, how could we help? Like what do you do in a situation like this?”

Kurt cut off his rambling thoughts. “We can’t do anything.” He must have looked pretty shocked when he turned to stare up at him, because his fiancé quickly corrected, “I mean, right away. We can’t just jump in and say ‘hi Sebastian, is your boyfriend abusive?’. We all read the book, right? He didn’t want anyone to know last time.” He winced at the words, _last time_. “It’s not like he’ll want to broadcast it now. He’ll just push you away if you confront him like that.”

He did have a point. Pragmatic, like he always was. But Blaine didn’t want for it to be that way. He wanted to help as soon as possible. He looked down at his phone, finally able to free it from his pocket. No new texts. For some reason he’d expected Sebastian to contact him first. But what if something was wrong, and that’s why he hadn’t said anything?

A sudden knock on the door startled them all. “Holy shit,” Nick whispered, putting a hand on his chest. “The pizza. How did I forget about the pizza?”

Blaine looked up. “I’ll get it. I’ve got cash for a tip.” Somehow he managed to get back to his feet and to the door. After paying he hesitated in the doorway, pizza boxes balanced in one hand and his phone in his other. He sent a quick text to Sebastian that simply read: _Hey, hope you got home okay! Nick said you weren’t feeling too well._

He tried not to look back at the texts above it, their conversations that Blaine had never deleted from his phone. Wow, he really needed a new phone.

Obviously he didn’t expect a response right away, but he still stared at the words for a long moment. Nothing came. Blaine brought the pizza back to the group, distracting them all for a little bit with the promise of greasy food that would hopefully soak up a hangover. They didn’t mention Sebastian and Preston again, but judging by Nick’s subdued mood and his own quiet thoughts the topic wasn’t likely to be forgotten any time soon.

His friend gave him an extended hug when he and Kurt finally did leave, planning to just go back to Kurt’s apartment for the sake of convenience. It could be that they were just really that drunk, but Blaine was pretty sure Nick felt just as lost as he did in the situation. He had to be looking for the same sort of comfort. It didn’t come for Blaine that night, though. Sebastian didn’t text him back at all.

The next morning he and Kurt woke up late and Blaine preferred to chug a glass of water and go back to sleep, while his fiancé tried to run off his hangover. It didn’t work. He felt him crawl into bed about an hour later, freshly showered and complaining that exercise had only made his headache worse. Yeah, Blaine could’ve warned him about that one.

He woke up again in the afternoon feeling much better, like he could go out all over again. Really, Blaine didn’t know what all the upperclassmen were always complaining about when it came to their hangovers.He reached for his phone to check the time but stopped dead at the waiting message.

Sebastian: _Yeah, sorry for not giving you a heads up. I just had to head home. Thanks for checking in, B._

He didn’t even think about it before he sent off another text: _Of course, any time!_

There was no answer. Not then, and not for the rest of the weekend. By the time Monday rolled around and Blaine found himself working on a performance for class he was thoroughly distracted with his thoughts of Sebastian. He’d wanted to read more of the book over the weekend, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to dig into more secrets.

And he would much rather focus on trying to get in contact with his friend. He’d talked with Nick some more since they’d gone out and found out that Sebastian really only ever showed up to coffee with him. So he would just have to go out of his way to find him. Nick had mentioned that Bas spent most afternoons buried in Columbia’s library, and that’s how Blaine found himself bounding up the steps to said building in one of his most impulsive plans yet. Which, come to think of it, he hadn’t been too impulsive in a while. It felt good to do something without worrying about the outcome for once.

He did feel a little out of place though. Almost every other person looked like they should be ten years older than him dressed in what had to be high-priced three-piece suits, but in his desperate search he managed to meander around a few other students who were obviously studying on their days off.

None of them were Sebastian.

He almost gave up lost between rows of books on what looked to be pet-insurance law when he noticed a familiar form hunched over a heavy wooden table just a few rows away. “Sebastian!” Blaine quickly remembered where they were and lowered his voice. “Hey, what’s up?” he said, much more hushed as he hurried over to the table.

For the first time he’d ever witnessed, Sebastian looked caught off-guard. He glanced around, then looked back up at Blaine with a furrow in his brow? “Am I dreaming or did Blaine Anderson just show up in Columbia’s library?”

He smiled, shifting on his feet in front of the table. “Yeah, hey. Sorry, I would’ve texted ahead but I just-” He just what? There wasn’t much to explain other than that he wanted to surprise him “Nick said you were here pretty much every afternoon, so I thought I’d stop by and find you and- well, we could do homework together.” Now that he was talking Blaine wondered if this really had been a good idea. Why did he think Sebastian would be happy about this? Who liked surprises? Kurt hated them-

“Yeah, yeah. Here.” Sebastian blinked up at him before he quickly reached out to move some of his books off of the table. “I’ll make you some space.”

At least he didn’t _look_ upset about it. Blaine smiled and took his seat across from him, pulling his own backpack into his lap so he could start unloading his books onto the table. “Thanks. Sorry, I really should have asked first, I know.”

“No, it’s fine.” Sebastian smiled at him. The smile was familiar, it took him back to high school, to when they first met. To the way he would get excited because this was someone who was genuinely happy just to see him. “You’re always a good surprise, killer.”

For the first time in a while Blaine felt flustered. The good kind of flustered. The kind that made his stomach flutter and rendered him speechless for a second. When he did find his voice it came out as a quiet laugh. “That’s nice of you to say.”

“Nice? Don’t tell me I’m getting too soft now.”

“I didn’t think it was a possibility. But maybe now that you’re settling down…” Blaine alluded to the relationship he wanted to pry open. He didn’t know what he expected. For Sebastian to freeze up, to look different, to let it all out at once?

No, he just shook his head and continued to smile. “Don’t say it like that. You make it sound like I’m middle aged.”

Blaine tried not to let the disappoint show on his face. Kurt was right, this would take time. He and Sebastian needed to re-establish their friendship first. He shrugged at him. “You once told me that long term relationships, and this is an exact quote, ‘only exist to give straight high school girls something to live for, because they just don’t get the same excitement now that whip-its aren’t popular anymore’.”

He’d forgotten how Sebastian’s eyes crinkled up at the corners whenever he found something particularly funny. Like now. “Huh. That does sound like something I would say.”

They’d done this before in high school. Homework together, talking on the phone half the night, texting throughout the day. Blaine didn’t realize how much he’d missed sitting down and just hanging out with him. “Do you have a lot of homework to do? I guess you would if you’re here every day. I can’t imagine what law school is like.” He watched Sebastian shrug, long fingers playing over his keyboard as he finished typing something up.

“It would be challenging for someone who’s not as smart as me. I just like to take my time with my work.” He turned his laptop so Blaine could catch a glimpse of some sort of paper that was filled with legal jargon. “It’s really just all writing and memorizing legal terms.”

It didn’t look fun. But Blaine did wonder what it would be like to have actual class work to do. He held up one of his own textbooks. A history on technical theatre lighting. “Yeah, we don’t really do much of that at NYADA. I have one or two tech classes and the rest is hands on.”

“That’s a shame,” Sebastian hummed as he looked back down at his own work. He had a notebook open on one side and textbook on the other. “I’m sure it’s not much of a challenge for you, considering you’re already an amazing performer.”

He said it so off-handedly, as if he was so sure. Blaine had to believe that he really did mean it. He shook his head. “No, it’s- there’s always more to learn. And NYADA’s giving me a lot of great opportunities to do that.”

Sebastian’s gaze returned to his face for a moment. “Yeah? You gonna be a Broadway hit soon?”

“Ahh, I don’t know about that…”  
  
“You could be, easy. It’s just a question of whether or not you want to be.”

Blaine scoffed. He didn’t know where all of this confidence in his abilities came from. Come to think of it though, Sebastian had always talked like that. “I thought I came here to hang out and do homework,” he said, “not have a counseling session.”

“I’m just telling it like it is,” Sebastian defended with an easy smile. “And I like it when _I’m_ not the subject of the counseling session.” It was an obvious joke, but Blaine had a feeling it was also a small warning to not get into what he really wanted to get into. Right. Of course he wouldn’t want to talk about being abused all the time, that would probably suck. But what else were they supposed to talk about when Blaine wanted to help?

“Blaine.” He looked back up at the sound of his name. He’d been drifting into his thoughts too much, apparently. “Don’t overthink it, okay? We’re just hanging out. Being friends.”

Friends, yeah. Blaine nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He wanted to say something else, but he couldn’t think of the words that would convey that he was there in case Sebastian did want to talk about it. Because if he said that outright it could have that horrible effect of pushing him away, and that was the absolute last thing he wanted.

So they lapsed into silence then, but it quickly turned into something comfortable. Sebastian would pause his typing every so often to look at his books, and all Blaine really had to do was take some notes. It was quiet. Comforting.

He looked up after what had to be a good amount of time just scribbling down some terms and noticed that Sebastian was leaning back in his chair, sprawled out languidly, long limbs resting easy. Much more relaxed than he’d looked when Blaine had first stumbled upon him. It occurred to him then that maybe that effect Sebastian had on him went both ways. They were both a breath of fresh of air for each other.

His gaze fell back to his books when he noticed the other shift in his seat. He wondered if Sebastian was looking at him the same way. Probably not.

With the freedom of not being scrutinized Blaine reached for his phone and glanced over the time, glad to see it was a little later in the day. “Thank god. It’s probably cooled down by now,” he murmured, breaking their commiserative silence. Across from him, Sebastian laughed under his breath.

“You’re so Midwestern, talking about the weather.”

He looked up and smiled, glad to be greeted with one in return. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No, it’s-” He cut himself off with a shake of his head.

“It’s what?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Cute. I was going to say it’s cute. But that really does make me sound like a hokey old broad, doesn’t it?”

There had to be a blush on his face. Blaine could feel it creeping up. It was almost funny how Sebastian had that effect on him, how he always did it so effortlessly. “A little bit, yeah,” he said, ducking his head to hide just how endeared he was. “Maybe this is your midlife crisis?” Sebastian actually laughed out loud before he remembered where they were and quieted down. Blaine risked another glance up and saw his head bent over his own notebook now. “But, I was thinking now that it’s nice out we could take a break. Go on a walk or something?”

Nick’s words rang in his head still. Bas never wanted to do anything with anyone else anymore. He usually let Preston know his plans, spontaneity was out of the question. They locked gazes once more. Sebastian opened his mouth, presumably to say no, and Blaine’s eyes softened in understanding. He hesitated. “I could stretch my legs a little.”

Blaine felt his smile split his face wide open. He didn’t want to seem too eager though, so he kept it simple, “awesome.”

He had substantially less books to put away than Sebastian. “I have no idea how to get out of here,” he admitted, using his time to turn around in a circle and find the exit out of the expansive library.

A gentle hand landed on his shoulder. “I’m surprised you managed to find your way in,” Sebastian chuckled behind him. He’d always been tactile in a way that Blaine hadn’t been used to being on the receiving end of, and it showed again as he guided Blaine to a nearby staircase with the hand on his shoulder. A little reminder that there was someone next to him. He tried his hardest not to compare it to the way he was always the one initiating the contact with Kurt. That wasn’t fair to anyone. But it was hard to ignore as Sebastian’s hand absently trailed down to his elbow, tugging him along and refusing to lose him once they exited and made it onto the busy sidewalk.

It really was nice outside. There was a slight breeze, but the sunshine filtering around the surrounding buildings kept him warm enough in his short sleeved polo. It was Blaine’s favorite kind of weather – mild, with a slight hint of a chill in it. Back in Ohio he would have been able to smell the crispness of the Fall air, but in New York he tried to avoid breathing in too deeply through his nose.

Which was okay, because Sebastian kept leading him down the street and Blaine realized then just how close they were to Central Park. Perks of going to Columbia, he supposed. “I hear the leaves here are amazing to look at when they start to change,” he started, hurrying his steps up a bit to keep up with Bas’s long legs.

“Is that something you’re into?” Sebastian asked him, shooting him a look that held a thoroughly amused smirk. “City trees?”

“Fall,” Blaine corrected, rolling his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Do I? I think I need a little reminder all about how you roped the Warblers into five separate Halloween performances within one weekend.”

“They told you about that?”

“Okay, you really don’t get that they didn’t shut up about you when I first got there,” he laughed at Blaine’s obvious shock. His arm had moved again, a hand wrapping loosely around his wrist while they walked. “And it was mentioned in that stupid book.”

Oh, yeah. Blaine remembered reading about it now, but he’d been focused on other things in the book. He nodded at a crosswalk and urged him to follow the crowd moving across the street, closer towards the park.

What could he say that would make things okay? Safe? Not much, really. But Sebastian didn’t seem to mind. They walked along at a more languid pace now that they were even closer, which his legs were grateful for. Blaine also appreciated the sweet smell of fresh cut grass once they reached the park, able to overpower the smell of the city around them. It brightened him up.

“Have you read all of the book?” he asked once they found a sidewalk to meander around on. “I won’t um, ask about whatever you don’t want me to,” Sebastian let out a small scoff at that, “but there was actually some interesting stuff in there. That story about you, John, and Jeff getting caught at Scandals? That was funny.”

“That was _psychotic_ ,” Sebastian corrected. “I got left to explain to the cops where three fake IDs came from while I watched my friends run off into the woods without me. They’re lucky I’m such a charmer.” He winked at Blaine. Ha. Sure, charming, whatever he wanted to think.

“To be fair, it was always your idea to go,” he pointed out.

“Ah, yeah. I did love getting wasted and seeing what little the gay scene in Ohio had to offer.” They shuffled over to the side of the path, letting a few bikers pass by. “Oh, hey! Want a drink? I need a coffee.” Sebastian tilted his head towards a vendor and didn’t wait for an answer before he guided Blaine towards the line.

“You mean you didn’t have fun with the five different gay guys you could find at Scandals?” Blaine teased as he shuffled closer to his friend.

“Ha.” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “At least they were all hot,” he drawled out, “not as hot as a certain public school transplant, but you know what they say about beggars. You still like sweet things?”

Blaine’s face had to be bright red by now. If it was though, Sebastian didn’t say anything, just grinned at him. “Huh? Uh, yeah. Well, I like them, but Kurt and I are sort of on like a couples’ diet, and we already broke it with pizza over the weekend…”

At that Sebastian’s brows went up. “A diet? You’re kidding me, right?” In what had to be his most patented move, Sebastian’s eyes raked over his form. Blaine almost felt like hiding away, he just didn’t know where. “The Freshman Fifteen isn’t always a bad thing, you know. It looks _really_ good on you, killer.”

He turned away to order then, leaving Blaine’s brain to process that while he tried to think of any response that wouldn’t come out a sputtering mess. He should feel bad at being so openly admired, shouldn’t he? But it wasn’t like he could stop Sebastian. And it felt _good_ to hear that someone thought he was hot. Who didn’t like to hear that?

“I was gonna mention it before, but you know, committed relationship and all that,” Sebastian turned back to him and shrugged. He must’ve still looked pretty shocked because that smile still played on his face.

Blaine snapped himself out of it with the sudden reminder of Sebastian’s boyfriend. “Right, right. Yeah, uh, that’s surprising. Considering how much you loved those Scandals guys.”

“You’re one to be surprised. The guy who got engaged his senior year of _high school_.” Okay, when Sebastian put it that way it did sound a little ridiculous. But it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like all those kids who made stupid mistakes when they were young.

“Well, when you know you’ve found the one, you know,” he defended.

Sebastian took both of their cups from the vendor and handed Blaine his. It was a hot cider to warm his hands now that the sun had started to go down. “And is that what it is for you? ‘The one’?”

He’d expected Bas to scoff at the notion of there being one perfect person for everyone, but instead he’d just asked if this was it. Blaine answered on instinct, “yes, of course.”

It had to be. Sure, he’d proposed in an attempt to get Kurt back after their relationship had crashed and burned and he’d felt like he was losing the man who’d been the first love of his life, but he’d done it because Kurt had been _the one_. Hadn’t he?

“Well,” Bas started, “if that’s the case then I really am happy for you. I’m just sorry you ended up with Hummel as a soulmate.”

“Hey!” Blaine smiled despite himself. He dug his elbow into Sebastian’s side and watched him laugh and shy away. “Did you miss the week on manners in Kindergarten or something?”

“You didn’t know? They replaced that curriculum in France with a week on how to revolt.”

He rolled his eyes. As if he could ever be truly annoyed with Sebastian when they were on good terms, though. They always managed to have fun together. It felt good to be out with him again, wandering around the park and sipping at something warm. He couldn’t help but notice that whenever he tried to bring Preston up Sebastian changed the subject though, and he did it effortlessly. Practiced.

Still, they had a fun time. Blaine hardly noticed just how low the sun got in the sky until Sebastian’s phone chime went off for what had to be the fifth time in a minute. He finally pulled it out to check his texts and that’s when he figured their afternoon was over if the look on Bas’s face was anything to go by.

“I should really get going.” Sebastian’s smile faltered as he glanced down at his phone. “Preston’s asking where I’m at, I didn’t realize it was so late.” He sucked in a sharp breath and tucked his phone back into his pocket. Something heavy settled in Blaine’s stomach. Guilt, maybe? Fear? Worry, definitely. He didn’t want Sebastian to go home, but he also didn’t want him to upset his boyfriend anymore. He wished he could just tell him to come home right now with him.

“Are you sure? You know, we’re kind of far out. You could just spend the night at my place if you want,” he had to try.

“Farther out from your place.” Sebastian sighed. “But if that’s your way of proposing a threesome killer, you’re out of luck. I wouldn’t go anywhere near your fiancé’s sexless face.” He grabbed his backpack in a tight, whiteknuckled grip and Blaine just had to try again.

He reached out and grabbed his arm. Carefully. Gently. “I mean it, Bas. If you need a place to stay _at all-_ ”

Green eyes glanced down at his hand before a small frown settled on Sebastian’s face. “I’m fine,” he insisted, “really. You don’t have to do that, you don’t have to be concerned. Or worry.” Gently, he reached up and pried Blaine’s hand off of his arm. “I’ll be okay B, I’m just going home.”

Home to a potentially dangerous situation. To abuse. And there was nothing he could do about it. “We’re friends again, aren’t we? That means I’m going to worry no matter what.”

“Which I appreciate,” Bas stressed. He put his hands out, as if to placate him. Blaine remembered reading that in the book. He’d done the same thing with John. “But I’m fine. Let’s just leave it at that, okay? We had a nice day together, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, but-”

“But nothing. I’ll see you around, so don’t worry.” Sebastian cut him off and reached out to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze. A reassurance. “Go home to your fiancé, enjoy your night.” He dropped his hand. His smile was almost believable too. Like everything really would be okay.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Blaine rushed out before he could walk away. “We’ll hang out again soon. I promise.” He didn’t bother correcting him on the fact that he and Kurt didn’t actually live together right now.

Sebastian took a few steps back and nodded. “Well yeah, of course. I wouldn’t want to pass up a chance to see you again.” He distanced himself a little more and gave him a nod goodbye. “Text me when you get home.”

‘Will you be able to text me back?’ Blaine wanted to ask. But he didn’t. He just nodded, and in the next second Sebastian was gone, hurrying down the sidewalk.

* * *

Blaine played their afternoon over and over in his mind. Obviously, Sebastian had some practice at deflection. John detailed it all right there in the pages of the book that he was currently staring at. The one that taunted him more than his schoolwork. He shouldn’t read it, he knew that, but he just had to know what John knew. A couple more chapters couldn’t hurt. He’d already read a detailed account of another time John had stumbled upon his roommate with a black eye from another beating. He just had to read in small doses so he wouldn’t weigh himself down emotionally. Blaine opened the book to the page he’d earmarked. Thankfully it started off lighter, more about the Warblers than any one individual person.

_The Dalton Academy Warbler practice room was like a second home to all of us, maybe more than any other place in Dalton_.

Blaine had to agree. It had been one of the first places he’d felt safe, unjudged, free to be whoever he wanted to be. Even today he could think back to his days spent there and just feel… at peace. And he knew he wasn’t the only one that felt that way.

_I can still remember when I first walked in and watched the upperclassmen perform Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run”. Their energy was magnetic. It pulled you in. You wanted to join in, you wanted to have fun with them and pour your soul into your song. And as the years went on my fellow Warblers and I learned exactly how to do that. And between performances we made a lot of memories sprawled out in leather chairs together debating whether we should look at the Top 40 charts for inspiration or take on the classics._

_One day I walked in on Bryce and Nick trying to help each other with choreo ideas – that was a rough sight._

_Or the time we decided to play a good-old-fashioned prank on the Council Members that we called ‘hide and dive’. I watched two guys help Jeff climb into the rafters, where he proceeded to stay for twenty minutes until he jumped onto the Council desk in the middle of a Warbler meeting. We really did think we gave Wayne a heart attack with that one._

_That practice room is filled with some of the best memories of my life. We were all just stupid high schoolers who refused to take anything too seriously until the day we took things **way** too seriously. _

The story of the steroid scandal was one Blaine had heard from a bunch of different sources by now, but he still read through it studiously, looking for glimpses of the story he’d missed. What he was really interested in though, was what had happened after.

It came after John’s dramatic retelling of the Warblers being caught, of Hunter’s attempted quiet removal from Dalton, and the not so quiet uproar it caused in the show choir community.

_You would think being caught for a cheating scandal would be bad enough, but I soon learned that something even worse happened to one of our own because of it_.

Blaine drew his legs up, a sense of dread growing in his stomach.

_All of our parents were called separately. Some guys complained that they were grounded, or had their car keys taken away. Some were fine – their parents were just upset that Dalton had allowed this to happen under their watch. Which was understandable. My own parents were annoyed that this had to go on my permanent record._

He didn’t really care too much about John’s personal anecdote about how his parents had a lengthy talk with him and the headmaster. Blaine had figured that most of the Warblers would be left to the discretion of Dalton’s punishment methods. But John was the writer. His eyes skipped around the next few paragraphs all about him.

_I was worried Sunday night. Sawyer still hadn’t come back. I texted him, asked if I should leave the door unlocked in case he got there late at night. He didn’t answer. I started to get really worried when I came back from class on Monday and realized that he still hadn’t returned. I wasn’t sure what to do. Guys missing class was Dalton’s concern, not mine. But Dalton didn’t know what I knew about Sawyer’s father._

_I was still on my own on Tuesday. I asked the other guys if they had heard from Sawyer at all and none of them had. We were all still pretty shaken up at losing our win, having our champion title stripped from us, and losing the senior year Captain within a week, so it was understandable that we would lose track of each other. But Sawyer had always been a proud kid, and I didn’t think he’d be hiding out about a steroid scandal that he wasn’t even directly implicated in._

_Thursday morning there was a knock on my dorm room door. I expected my roommate, but it was just a Dalton administrator. “Is Sawyer Smith here?” she asked, voice cool and disinterested._

_I think I must have just stared at her before I blurted out, “no.” That seemed to surprise her. I think they just thought he’d been skipping class. “He hasn’t been here since Monday,” I told her._

_She didn’t know what to say. She wrote something down on her little clipboard and flipped through some papers before she told me, “well, if you see him then let him know the Headmaster’s office wants to speak with him.”_

_All I could do was nod at her. It occurred to me then that no one had really been looking for Sawyer. The adults who were supposed to be taking care of these things hadn’t even cared until he’d been missing from three days’ worth of classes. And what had I done? Nothing. Was I supposed to alert someone to the fact that my roommate hadn’t come home? I didn’t know what to do._ _At lunch I found some of the Warblers and let them know what happened, and that Sawyer still hadn’t come back. We were all debating on what was going on when Jeff joined us looking more pale than usual. “Guys,” he said, “you’ll never believe what my dad told me.” Jeff’s dad was the same doctor that had passed on the information about Bryce’s eye surgery, so we all listened up for another shock. I could already tell it wasn’t going to be good._

_“Apparently Sawyer’s in the hospital, it’s where he’s been this whole time. My dad said-” Jeff shook his head, unable to believe his own words, “My dad said he’s really messed up. Like, he’s being treated for a skull fracture, and a broken bone, and like a bunch of other things. He wasn’t sure of the specifics but he knew that he was pretty messed up.”_

_Everyone was stunned. I was the most speechless. Someone else asked what happened. “I don’t know, my dad didn’t really know, he said it was a car accident or something. At least that’s what he heard from some of the other doctors. No one else was really sure. Which is crazy, right? You’d think we’d know if one of our own was in a car accident. Why didn’t anyone tell us?” Everyone started throwing out theories of their own, filling Jeff in on what I had just told them. The general consensus was that between the steroids and everything that was going on at the time communication had just been lost._ _But I knew the truth. I knew that whatever this was it wasn’t an accident, and that there was a reason there was such a tight lid on it. I had a choice right then. Could I tell my fellow Warblers about what I knew?_

Yes, Blaine wanted to shout at the book. At John. Yes, tell them. For the love of god, tell anyone. How could he not? His own blood was boiling just reading this. His stomach was in knots, throat tight. Sebastian deserved to have had someone say something.

He didn’t want to read about it anymore, but he just had to know what happened. He couldn’t leave it here.

_I didn’t tell anyone. I thought about how Sawyer had begged me not to, how it could potentially make the situation worse. And then I thought about how apparently the doctors in the hospital didn’t even know what had happened, so that would raise some red flags, wouldn’t it? They would have to bring that up to the authorities. That’s what I thought, anyway._

_Sawyer returned to Dalton two weeks later. Whatever had happened was covered up by his uniform when I walked back into my room to find him sitting on his bed. Everything was covered except for the splint on his wrist, and the aforementioned skull fracture. They’d had to shave his head to treat it I guess, so he had a new haircut that he was pissed about. In fact, it was the first thing he spoke to me about._

_“Look at this. I’m going to have to grow my hair out all over again,” he told me, visibly annoyed._

_I didn’t know what to say to him. “What the hell happened to you?” I don’t know why, but I whispered my question, like it would get me the truth if I did. “You’ve been gone for weeks, you just stopped showing up, then I heard from Jeff that you were in the hospital. Did you- Did your dad do this to you?”_

_That only pissed him off more. He frowned at me and pointed at the scar under his already growing hair. “Chill out John, haven’t you ever heard of a car accident? It’s no big deal.”_

_“A car accident? Wouldn’t you be like, covered in cuts and bruises then?”_

_He just laughed at me. Like we were joking around, like the fact that his dad regularly beat him was funny. I didn’t think it was very funny, but Sawyer never seemed as bothered about it as I was. “You’re an expert on car accidents now? It’s not a big deal, okay? I’m back now. You don’t need to bring my dad into it.” It felt like the first time I’d discovered this. He was asking me not to get involved._

_I had to do something this time. “Sawyer, it’s really not okay. Let me help you.”_

_That made him stop pretending at least. “Help me? How the hell are you going to ‘help me?’ Who are you going to tell, John? Dalton? They’re only obligated to contact Child Services, which they won’t do, because they’ll give my dad a heads up first and he’ll pay them off. Are you going to tell the cops? Because they won’t do anything either. Do you understand? There’s nothing you can do.”_

_I realized that he had a point. What could I do? Some high schooler with no experience in any of this? I let his words have that impact on me, and I backed down._

_“Are you going to be okay, at least?” I asked, because I had to offer something. “You don’t have to go back home soon, do you? What happened? What did he do?”_

_Sawyer seemed satisfied that I wasn’t going to run out of the room right then to tell. He shrugged. “I’m staying at Dalton until graduation, weekends included.” That made me feel a little better. At least he wouldn’t have to go home any time soon. “After that… Summer’s only a couple of months. And then, Columbia.” He just shrugged. His shoulders curled in though, and he let out a huge sigh. “He was just really pissed about everything. That we got caught – that I was caught up in a scandal – he said that was the last thing he needed, scrutiny.”_

_How did you comfort something like that? I didn’t know, so I just listened quietly. I think at that time I was the only person he could talk to about this, so I didn’t want to push him away any more. “I’m sorry,” I said to him then. He didn’t tell me exactly what his dad did, he never did, but it was obviously bad._

_Still, Sawyer only shook his head and winced when he moved too fast. “It’s whatever. Just a few more months and I’ll be in New York. I’ll be away from him, then I’ll be golden.”_

_It was the way he said that. Golden. Sawyer saw his future in New York as his escape, he just had to get through this first. I nodded along. It didn’t sound so scary when he put it like that._

Blaine took a deep breath. It stung in his chest. Was this supposed to be Sebastian’s new start away from his father? Away from abuse? And look where he’d ended up. If they were right about Preston (and he really hoped they weren’t, but it was looking like they were) then he didn’t get that reprieve he’d been hoping for.

It made his heart ache. Physically, he could feel it splitting into pieces. Blaine put the book aside and wrapped his arms around his drawn-up knees. He wasn’t much of a crier, but he couldn’t help the way tears started to gather in his eyes. How did he fix this?

Blaine started to sob, shaking on the couch as the reality of the situation started to set in. He didn’t think he could do this alone, but he felt like John in that moment – who did he tell? Where did he begin to help? Tears started to soak into his pants, but he couldn’t stop crying. He had a sudden urge to stay in that spot forever, spilling out ugly sobs until everything was okay again.

“Blaine? Blaine, oh my god, what’s wrong?” Wow, he hadn’t even heard Kurt come in. Right, they had a date night. He must’ve let himself in. He felt the extra weight sit next to him. His hands, chilled from the outside, were suddenly on Blaine’s shoulders.

He looked up, certain he looked like a wreck. He felt like one. He couldn’t stop crying. Blaine shook his head and closed his eyes and Kurt’s cold hands came up to rest on his own heated cheeks. “I don’t know what to do,” he said around a few choking sobs. “I don’t know how to help.”

“What?” Kurt’s voice dropped, matching his whisper. “Is it- You were reading that book again? Blaine…” He really didn’t want another lecture on how he shouldn’t set himself up for sorrow like that.

He shook his head, dislodging the hands on his face. Kurt didn’t seem to know what else to do. His hands were in his lap when Blaine opened his eyes up again. “I _have_ to know. He’s my friend, I have to know how to help. And I thought this would- that it would help.”

Kurt tilted his head. “This isn’t helping. This is obviously only hurting you.”

“Well think about how it hurt him!” Blaine protested. He watched Kurt’s brow furrow and took in a deep breath before he could be accused of yelling at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just- it’s a lot Kurt. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.” He didn’t like feeling this lost.

Thankfully Kurt seemed to understand after a long moment of contemplation. “I don’t think anyone knows what to do in these situations,” he said gently. He laid a hand on one of Blaine’s, fingers barely brushing over his as if he wasn’t sure it would help. “But it’s not all on you. We’ll figure this out together. And we have friends who can help too. But this is- this is really intense stuff, Blaine, I don’t want you throwing yourself into something that could hurt you. You have your own life to worry about too.”

Kurt had a point. But Blaine didn’t think like that, he couldn’t compartmentalize like that. Sure, he had other worries, but none of it came close to the fact that his friend could be hurt and in serious danger. “I know,” he whispered as his sobs started to taper off, “I know I have responsibilities, but I just- It’s just that-”

“You need to help?” Kurt finished for him.

Blaine took in a shaky breath and nodded. “I can’t just let something bad happen again.” He reached up to wipe at his eyes, but Kurt’s fingers beat him to it. A cool thumb swiped over his cheek.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll figure out what to do,” he promised. Kurt tried to give him an encouraging smile. “Just stop crying, please? Your face is all puffy. We can’t have you giving performances looking like a cabbage patch kid.”

Blaine smiled back at him even though he really wasn’t in the mood for joking. He was glad Kurt was trying, though. He’d agreed to help him figure things out, that should be enough, shouldn’t it? He hoped for Sebastian’s sake that it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Discussion of abuse in this chapter


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok this kind of hmmm sucks but it's okay we're going we're thriving, i'm getting this chapter out before this week gets insane for me. 
> 
> I really need to say thank you for the reviews because that's what I keep coming back to when I'm stuck to propel me on. genuinely means so much <3333 i love you all more than you'll know.
> 
> also hehe i finally made a seblaine tumblr because i'm spiraling back into all of this you'll find it at the end notes.  
> also tw at end notes.
> 
> please review? i really wanna know what yall think <3

Cold and flu season was upon them. Kurt, determined as ever to preserve his voice, was on the phone with Carol trying to figure out the best way to avoid contracting the sickness that all the returning students brought with them.

“Your best bet is really the flu shot, honey,” she told him while he was busy cleaning the single set of dishes for the night. “Otherwise, obviously, you’ll just want to avoid touching as many things in public as you can.”

“I know,” he sighed, “I already got the flu shot, but it’s kind of hard to avoid the public in New York, but I know what you mean. I just can’t get a cold right now otherwise I am totally screwed for like, all of my midterms.”

“Then do your best to keep your hands to yourself. And avoid sharing your drinks and food, even with Blaine,” she warned him, and he could hear the fond smile in her voice. The way that she loved their young love.

“Yeah, I know.” That wouldn’t be much of a problem considering they weren’t living together right now. But he hadn’t mentioned that to his dad and Carol. He didn’t want to worry them. “I’ll do my best.” The conversation drifted off, a silence settling over them for a moment before he took a deep breath.

“Hey, Carol. I need some advice.” He needed to be delicate with this. But lately he’d just been feeling so _lost_. And even worse, Blaine was lost. How were they supposed to figure this one out? They needed an actual adult.

“Of course, honey. Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Yes, with me, at least. It’s my friend that has a problem. Which sounds like a lie, I know, and it’s not like he’s really my friend anyway to begin with, but-”

“Kurt?”

“Right, of course. I don’t know… It’s- My friend has this problem. And it’s serious. Like, really serious. And I just feel like we’re getting in over our heads with this, you know? Like, like I’m not grown up enough for this.”

There was a pause. “Kurt, you’re never going to feel grown up enough for any of it,” she said gently. “But this friend- are they in danger? Should you call someone?”

“I think so,” he admitted softly. “But it’s a situation that I don’t think can be fixed with one phone call to the police, you know what I mean? It’s…”

“Complicated,” she finished for him. Kurt nodded even though she couldn’t see it. She sighed. “These things are always going to be complicated, and the truth is none of us really know what to do. This is stuff you have to learn through life experience, and I’m really sorry for that.”

Kurt could have guessed that one, but it still didn’t help him figure out what to do. He took a deep breath. “Carol,” he started tentatively, “did you ever deal with someone… in an abusive relationship?”

“ _Oh_ , honey.”

“I know. We don’t know for certain, but we’re pretty sure. And we wouldn’t be this sure, but we know that he’s been in a position like this before.”

“Kurt…”  
“I just don’t know how to get him away from this guy.”

“You can’t,” she told him gently. “Kurt, you cannot force these things.”

“I know, but I’m worried, and Blaine’s worried, and he wants to do something, and I don’t know what to do.” Which was weird, because one of them usually had a plan. Or an idea.

“You be there when you need to be,” she said, the gentle voice in his ear, “and I know it’s not the advice you’re looking for, but it is what works best. If you try and force this friend of yours into what you think is good for him, it’s only going to push him away.”

And their contact with Sebastian was already so tentative, it wouldn’t be hard for him to stop talking to them at all. And then what?

No, Carol was right. About a lot of things. “I don’t like it,” he admitted softly. “I’m not really the type to sit around and wait for something to happen.”

“I know you’re not.”

“What if it’s something really bad that happens?”

“Then you’ll figure out what to do about it then. That’s how this adult stuff works, you figure it out as you go. None of us truly know what we’re doing.”

“Really?”

“Really. Life is a learning curve, Kurt. You just gain experiences as you go, and some of them are the kind you don’t want.”

That actually made a little bit of sense. Kurt knew that no one was born knowing how to deal with issues like this. But he just wished it didn’t have to be that way. He liked to know things, he liked to be prepared. “Thank you, Carol. I really needed to talk through that. And… could you do me a favor and not talk to my dad about this? Just yet? It’ll only worry him.”

“Anytime, honey. And I guess I can keep it quiet if that’s what you need, but if you need any help at all I want you to promise me you’ll give the both of us a call.” He promised he would. And he had to smile, because that’s exactly what his dad would have asked for. He thanked her again before he said goodbye and promised that he’d call them more often as well.

For now, Kurt would do his best not to push Sebastian away. Which shouldn’t be too hard, seeing as he had no real desire to hang out with him and be invasively friendly any time soon. But he knew Blaine would want to see him regularly. And, he’d read the book too.

Kurt hated what Sebastian had done to Blaine, and he wasn’t sure he could ever forgive it, but he knew that what had happened to Sebastian hadn’t been right. And what could currently be happening to him wasn’t right either. He thought about Dave for the first time in a while, and how he’d ignored those calls.

There was no call this time. But Kurt was determined not to ignore the warning signs. They needed a plan. They needed a way to let him know that they were there for him without making it too obvious, because even though they might hate each other that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do what was right. Kurt was dreading improv class on Monday with Preston, but he wondered if it might be something he could take advantage of. He swiped over to Blaine’s name on his phone, a plan already forming in his mind.

* * *

Improv let out a few minutes late. It was one of his last classes, so the sun was already setting outside when Kurt stepped into the darkened hallway on NYADA’s campus and spotted the dark-haired figure that had disappeared out the door a few seconds ahead of him. “Hey, Preston!” Kurt hurried his steps to catch up with the taller man.

He stopped to let him catch up and regaled him with a particularly charming smile. “Hey Kurt, how’s it going?”

“Good! I mean, I did just get my head chopped off in that wonderful reenactment of Robespierre’s fall from grace, but other than that it’s going great.”

Preston laughed along with him. “Yeah, sometimes that class can be a little ~ehh~. Oh, and hey, sorry about ditching you guys last week, but Sebby just wasn’t feeling too good.”

“No, yeah, I get it. That’s why I wanted to see if you guys wanted to go out again?” Preston’s eyebrow went up. “Like on a double date,” he clarified.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. Blaine really wants to reconnect with Sebastian, and I thought since we’re all in each other’s little circles we might as well.” Kurt hoped his laugh didn’t sound too forced.

“Yeah, uh, about that. I heard you and Sebastian didn’t even like each other in high school?” Teasing, but obviously looking for an out. An excuse not to go.

“Oh, that was high school.” No matter that he almost blinded his then-boyfriend and now-fiancé. “We’re putting the past behind us. Growing up, making amends.”

Preston’s smile didn’t waver. If Kurt didn’t already think there was something fishy going on he definitely wouldn’t have a reason to now. But he supposed that was how he managed to sink his claws into whoever he pleased. “Well that’s great. But you know, with Seb at Columbia it’s just hard to pin down a good time. He has to study like crazy.”

Kurt didn’t miss a beat. He and Blaine had talked about this that morning even. Don’t budge an inch and Preston won’t be able to give a good excuse to say no. “Good thing we all have pretty open schedules, then. I know none of us are in an active performance right now.”

“… Right. Well, yeah, I guess we could try and find some time. Maybe have Blaine text Seb and work out the details?”

“Well we’re here now, we might as well just figure something out.” Kurt went into his pocket before Preston could even think to say anything else and pulled out his phone. “Oh, look at that! Mine and Blaine’s synched calendar is pretty open. What do you say, this Friday? Or Thursday could work too even.” He looked up at Preston and gave him a smile. “It’ll be so much fun, I promise.”

Preston’s jaw worked for a moment while he tried to think of something to say. “I’ll have to check with Seb, we could get back to you?”

He didn’t even blink. “You can’t just text him right now? It’s late, he has to be out of class by now.”

Preston opened his mouth and gave a slow nod. “Yeah, I guess I could. Don’t see why not.”

He pulled his phone out while Kurt waited and gave him one last glance before he typed off a quick message. Kurt didn’t want to lean in to see what it said, but judging by how long it took him he figured it was more than just ‘Hey, what are your plans for Friday’?

He stood there and didn’t even think about leaving until Preston gave him a delayed smile and said, “look at that. He’s free Friday night. Lucky us, huh?”

“Very lucky!” Kurt said brightly. “I can’t wait, it’ll be fun. We’ll all get to know each other a little better.” It wasn’t meant to be a threat, and it didn’t come out like one, but he sure as hell hoped Preston was threatened by it all the same.

* * *

It had been a while since their last double date. With Rachel up in the air and Sam and Mercedes still dancing around each other their small circle of friends hadn’t had many opportunities for double dates. But this couldn’t even count as a normal one, because he and Blaine had been on edge all day. Kurt didn’t even know what they were expecting. It wasn’t like Preston would do anything in front of them, but just being around the guy was enough to make them uncomfortable because of their suspicions.

Blaine had been texting with Sebastian in order to make sure it was still on every day since the date was set up. They found themselves outside of a little Italian restaurant at 7:00 sharp on Friday night. And it would have been nice to be there, should have been nice, because Blaine looked adorable now that he’d broken out his winter coat and wrapped himself up in it, and Kurt had been happy that he could finally break into his collection of scarves for the occasion. But the heaviness of the situation weighed over them.

Preston and Sebastian showed up with a little less regard for the cold. Preston ushered his boyfriend into the restaurant a few minutes after they arrived and Sebastian apologized, saying that traffic had kept them, obviously. Because of course they would take a car. Sebastian had nothing more than a short pea coat on and Preston didn’t even look bothered by the cold as he swept in with his own unbuttoned.

“Hey guys.” Sebastian shivered in front of them and took the opportunity to warm up while Preston took care of the reservation. “I guess we’re getting that chill you’ve been waiting for, huh killer?”

“It’s not so bad yet,” Blaine said with a smile. “Besides, I thought you were over talking about the weather. It’s too Midwestern for you, isn’t it?”

Preston sidled back up to them and rested his chin on Sebastian’s shoulder. “What’s too Midwestern?”

“Weather talk,” Sebastian provided instantly. He turned his head and wrinkled up his nose, still somehow pale despite the red that tinted the rest of their cheeks. “I’m sure there’s more interesting topics for you.”

“Mm, I’m sure too,” Preston agreed softly. He didn’t let go of Sebastian while the hostess showed them to their table, and Kurt couldn’t help but make a snap decision as he watched his hand grip around Sebastian’s wrist to pull him in next to him at the booth.

“Oh, no. This’ll be cuter, like a little face to face moment.” Kurt had no problem bumping his shoulder into Sebastian’s to send him off to the other side of the booth. He sat next to Preston and across from Blaine and simply gave his own boyfriend a little smile. “See? It’s romantic, looking into your lovers’ eyes.”

“As if this night couldn’t get any gayer.”

“Hey, be nice.” Preston said it with a smile, as if to gently chide him, but a shiver still ran down Kurt’s spine at the chastisement. He was glad he’d separated them.

Across from them, Blaine was frowning at him with an obvious worry crease on his forehead. Kurt gave his head the tiniest shake. Everything was fine. The waitress approached to set down their menus and hung around for an extra second. “Can I just say, I _love_ that I got your guys’ table. You’re all so cute!” She gave them a bubbly smile before she hurried off and Kurt rolled his eyes in time with Sebastian, of all people.

“Okay, that’s so annoying,” he groaned. “That’s basically all of NYADA. So many straight girls think I’m just there to be their best friend.”

“Ugh, I know,” Preston lamented with him, “they all ask me out, and when they find out I have a boyfriend they ask me to go shopping with them.” That was easy to see. Kurt had always found him physically attractive, he had to admit it made sense that girls were falling all over him.

“Yeah, that’s what you all get for going to a theatre school. I just get the straight guys asking me to do the not-fun kind of blow in the bathroom,” Sebastian chimed in with a smirk.

“And I’m telling you, you should still think about transferring next semester. Don’t you guys think he should?”

Sebastian at the same school as him? “ _No_ , no no.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s- I don’t know.”

Preston raised a brow and glanced between both him and Blaine. “No?”

“See? I’m not the only one that thinks I should stick with pre-law, seeing as it’s what I’m good at.”

“Well, you were apparently pretty good at singing and dancing in high school. Right, guys? You know.”

Kurt reminded himself to stay civil. Don’t give Preston a reason to say they should never hang out again. “Oh, we’re being dragged into this? Oh okay. Um, yes, Sebastian was… adequate-”

“Really good, just really good-” His fiancé was way too sweet.

“ _But_ ,” he interjected, “I think his… temperament would be better suited for something a little more…”

“Challenging.”

“Yes, challenging, thank you Blaine.” Kurt finished with a tight smile. Preston didn’t seem all that impressed.

“NYADA could be challenging for you, Seb,” he addressed his boyfriend once more, “you would be up against the greats like Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. And hey, Blaine, didn’t you switch schools for Kurt in high school? I think it’s a little romantic, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yeah, but that was- well, it’s different circumstances.” Kurt was glad Blaine pointed that out, because he did not like thinking his wants could be compared to Preston’s. He’d _missed_ Blaine, he hadn’t wanted him there so he could keep a close eye on him, or whatever the hell it was that this guy wanted to do to Sebastian. “And I don’t- Well it wasn’t really a great idea at all in the end.”

“ _What?_ ” Kurt whipped his head back around to him. “You regret transferring?”

“Well, kind of,” Blaine shrugged. “I mean, Dalton’s education was sort of unbeatable in Ohio.” Sebastian hummed in agreement at that. “And my parents were kind of upset that I wanted to go to McKinley after I had originally transferred to Dalton. It was a lot of catching up to do in order to get my transcripts straightened out.” The shock must have shown on his face, because Blaine hurriedly added on, “but I mean, it was worth it for you. Getting to see you every day was the best part of high school. And after- I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the friendships I made there, but it was still a lot.”

Blaine had always handled it so well though. Kurt frowned in thought and studied him for a moment, but Sebastian leaned in before he could say anything. “That makes it even more romantic. I don’t know why anyone would give up private school for public school.”

“Well, not everyone can thrive in the same polyester blazer every day,” Kurt said with a huff.

“Sebby’s just upset that he never learned what to do outside of a uniform. And, babe, if you came to NYADA, you wouldn’t have to wear a full suit to class.”

“Mm, but here’s the thing, I really like the thought of making a lot of money once I graduate.”

“Why would you want to do that? I told you, I’m going to make enough for the both of us.” With another couple it would have been a cute sentiment, but right now it made Kurt’s skin crawl.

“Well I, for one, am all for financial independence.” Kurt smacked both of his hands down on the table. “I think it’s a good idea for you to want that, Sebastian.”

“Oh, we’re agreeing now? In that case I’m not so sure about it.”

“Don’t worry, you’re still the Tonya Harding to my Nancy Kerrigan. I think that’s what we can really take away from high school.”

“Wait, wouldn’t _I_ technically be Nancy in that scenario?” Blaine spoke up, before he gave his head a small shake, “it doesn’t matter. Kurt’s right, Bas, especially if it means you don’t have to have your dad paying for everything.”

“He doesn’t even notice when I dip into his bank account half of the time.” Sebastian shrugged. He watched the other boy while the topic of his father came up. He stayed shrugged up, hunched in on himself, and Kurt really couldn’t help but notice that his shoulders looked bonier than high school. He wondered just how stressed Sebastian had been about this, about his dad, and about Preston.

Preston, who didn’t seem to be happy about the familial ties either. “Well I still don’t like that you have to be so dependent on him. I would feel a lot better about your safety if you didn’t need anything from him.”

To Kurt’s surprise, Sebastian smiled at his boyfriend. “I know you’re concerned, but don’t worry about it. I told you I don’t even see him anymore.” He leaned back in his seat and let his shoulders settle against the wood behind him. “Besides, I like using his money. It’s like he owes me at this point or something.”

“Right…” Blaine didn’t seem all that convinced. But his concern was obviously different than Preston’s, who frowned in annoyance.

Before the topic could go any farther, Kurt lifted his hand to call over the waitress. “Excuse me? We’re ready for drinks.” Very ready.

She took her sweet time to approach their table, but at least it had shut off the conversation about Sebastian’s dad. Before they could put their individual drinks in though, Sebastian took it upon himself to order a bottle of wine for the table. “You’ll love it, trust me,” he assured the both of them that were still unsure.

Next to him Preston nodded in agreement. He reached out and let his hand rest on top of the one Sebastian had on the table and Kurt watched his fingers curl around his boyfriend’s. “He’s right. Seb has the best taste in alcohol, though I’m not sure what that means when he’s still technically underage.”

“It just means I’ve spent half of my life in Europe,” Sebastian corrected. He turned his hand over and let Preston’s palm press into his own. Whatever it was, Kurt was glad his apparent knowledge and confidence got them wine at this place. It had to be the good stuff.

They ordered shortly after as well. Bread arrived at the table, though Blaine and Preston were the only ones that indulged. Kurt chose to focus on the crisp white wine that was delivered afterwards and Sebastian’s free hand wrapped tight around his own glass and didn’t budge an inch while they made small talk about their classes.

“Nick told me he wants to have a Halloween party,” Blaine spoke up after a glass.

“He’s already thinking of it?” As one of Nick’s best friends, Sebastian should have known his plans. But Kurt let this slide.

“Well, he wants to invite a bunch of the Warblers to the city and make it into some sort of rager,” he said.

Sebastian smiled down at his wine. “Jesus, that kid’s really gone off the rails. You get your friend to hit a dab pen a couple of times and he thinks he’s a party animal.”

“No, I think it’s a great idea. It sounds like it’ll be really fun,” Blaine insisted.

“ _I_ think it’ll be fun.”

“You’re just looking forward to the opportunity to dress up, Nancy.”

“Because I know I won’t look like a hot mess like you? Sure.”

“Okay, that’s not true. Besides, why would I even want to go to a party with a bunch of Warblers? We all know what they’re going to be talking about.”

“This way you can just get it out of the way now. And I’m sure Nick wouldn’t even invite John anyway.” That was a little optimistic on Blaine’s part. Judging by the talks they’d been having lately, Nick might actually invite John just so he could lay into him.

“Well… we’ll see.”

Blaine wasn’t cowed by the obvious dismissal. “Sebastian, I think he would be kind of upset if you didn’t go since you guys are pretty good friends now.”

“Yeah, I know. But he’s growing up. He doesn’t need my help to throw parties anymore.”

“No, but maybe he wants it,” Kurt tried to point out.

“I don’t know babe, you could probably stop by his place after class for a day or two just to help out with planning. That way he won’t feel as bad if you don’t want to go to the actual party.” Kurt narrowed his eyes and looked away so the suspicion wouldn’t be clear on his face. This had to be Preston’s way of making it look like Sebastian had the freedom to choose what he did.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I guess I could stop by just to hang out anyway.”

Preston’s fingers squeezed Sebastian’s and his own hand itched to reach out and make sure it wasn’t too tight. It was weird, the way John’s words from the book rang clear in his head – _I saw bruises in the shape of a hand on his wrist, five fingers had wrapped around it hard enough to leave a mark._ Kurt took another sip of his wine. These words had been haunting him since the day he read them. He could compartmentalize a little longer.

“I’m pretty sure he’s not going to say no to you showing up,” Blaine said with a smile. “He talks about hanging out with you all the time. He’s given me some great stories so far. Apparently you guys even met in a bar?”

“Oh yeah,” Preston grinned at the mention of the first meeting. What would have been charming once upon a time just looked predatory to Kurt. “I was minding my own business when this hottie with these long legs comes up to the bar, and I was hooked right there.”

“Nick was confused because I hadn’t disappeared yet that night. We just stayed at the bar talking forever, it felt like. I don’t know, Preston was just… different.”

“We talked for _hours_. It was an instant connection, wasn’t it babe? Told each other things we’d never told anyone else before.”

Kurt may have never been friends with Sebastian, but he knew that had to be an anomaly for him. Preston had dug into his mind early. “Wow, and now you’re living together? That moved kind of fast, didn’t it?”

“Wait, aren’t you two like, engaged?”

“I helped with the engagement,” Sebastian said proudly, “Blaine was still a senior.”

This wasn’t where he wanted the conversation to go. Thankfully, something in the universe was on his side. “Okay, who had the penne?” The waitress appeared at his side and Kurt let out the nervous breath he’d been holding in.

If there was anything that could distract men in their early twenties, it was food. Even Sebastian, who had gotten just a salad, was more than eager to eat. And Kurt’s own salmon paired exceptionally well with the wine. It was so good that he might have even forgotten about why they were there if it hadn’t been for Blaine’s nervous glances thrown his way every few seconds.

He wanted to convince them to stick around for dessert. They were all wine drunk, more open to any sort of bad idea. Kurt would have even had a piece of chocolate cake if it meant keeping the both of them there so he could pry into their relationship some more. He couldn’t leave this double date having only gained the knowledge that Preston was gunning to have full financial control over Sebastian in a couple of years.

But, “I think we should be getting home.” Preston, with his perfect fucking smile, let his fingers creep up a little farther on Sebastian’s arm. “This was fun though, we should definitely do it again some time.”

“Are you sure?” Blaine tried too, “we could go back to my place for a nightcap, even.”

Preston’s eyes turned to Sebastian of all people, and he spoke up after an extended gaze. “Yeah, yeah. I’m getting tired anyway. It was a long day of classes.”

Blaine opened his mouth, then shut it and nodded. “Yeah, makes sense,” he let the topic go gently, so Kurt decided to follow his lead and do the same.

Once they were standing alone outside the restaurant Blaine spoke up. “We were on the phone a couple of days ago and he told me he’s only got one class on Fridays,” he said quietly. “He was bragging about how easy it was.”

Kurt watched the two of them get into a car, Preston’s hand splayed across Sebastian’s back. “You didn’t tell me you guys are talking on the phone again.” That was petty, wasn’t it? Even as he said it, it felt petty. But Kurt couldn’t help himself. He could feel Blaine’s eyes on him now.

“I’m going to text him in about an hour and make sure he got home okay.” And that was that on that conversation, apparently.

Blaine accompanied him home but didn’t seem all that inclined to spend the night. He had plans with Sam in the morning, and Kurt had a farmer’s market to get to, and it would be too much of a hassle for them both to get up any earlier than they had to. He said goodbye at the door, though his head was bent over his phone.

“I was thinking…” Blaine started while he finished up a text. “We should try and do that more often. And I don’t mean in the fake way when friends who don’t have time for each other say it, I mean in like the real, get him out more often way. You even did that tonight, you got him to agree to stop by Nick’s.

“Yeah, well, getting him out of their apartment is probably for the best.” Kurt felt awkward hovering in his own doorway with his fiancé. He shoved his hands into his coat and waited for the conversation to be over.

“And I was thinking- it probably reminds him that he’s not alone, right? Like his father isolated him, Preston’s trying to do the same, so we just do our best not to let it happen?”

Blaine looked so hopeful. Kurt had to nod for him. “Something like that that, yeah. Hopefully Sebastian will come to us when he’s ready that way.”

Blaine smiled, then left with his shoulders a little straighter. Kurt tried to think about the last time he’d seen that same confidence in him outside of performing. He couldn’t think of an example, though.

* * *

It was still over a month away, but Halloween planning had to begin sometime. Especially with Nick’s idea of calling in as many friends as possible. Somehow, Kurt had been roped into planning for this party along with Blaine. It also had something to do with the fact that he couldn’t say no when they asked if he would be willing to let some of the guys stay at the loft.

So of course he and Blaine had to help with the actual party planning. Kurt was looking forward to the party part of it, and Blaine had looked hopeful at the fact that Nick told them Sebastian was going to show up to help this week.

It was another Friday afternoon when they piled into Nick’s building, ducking their heads against the wind that had just started to pick up. “Shit,” Blaine hissed under his breath next to him, “that totally messed with my hair.” He fussed with it while they walked down the hallway. Kurt stifled a laugh behind his hand and focused on knocking hard on Nick’s door.

It took a couple of seconds, but Liam answered it. He blinked in surprise at them before he turned in towards the apartment. “Sorry, Nick’s buried in like three textbooks right now and apparently couldn’t be bothered to take his headphones off.” He stepped aside to let them in.

“He’s studying?”

Nick looked up at the movement and smiled brightly at them. “Oh shit, hey guys, sorry.” He quickly got up and left his things in a pile on the coffee table while Kurt glanced around in confusion.

“Where’s Sebastian?” Blaine asked for the both of them.

“Oh, uh, he looked like shit when he got here so I told him to go take a nap.” Nick jerked his head in the direction of the hallway. “I was just gonna wake him up when you guys got here. Here, you can just drop your coats on that chair,” he said as he led them into the other room.

They both took their coats off and Blaine’s gaze wandered down the hall. “He’s just sleeping in your bed?”

“Um, yeah. You’ve never taken a nap at a friend’s place?”

“When I was five on a playdate, maybe.”

“Dude. How do you guys survive a full day without napping?” Nick shook his head. “Liam!” His roommate’s head popped out of the kitchen, “how often do you take a nap?”

Liam snorted. “Like almost every day.”

“See? What, you guys take Adderall or something to get through the day?”

“No,” Kurt rolled his eyes, “would you just go get Sebastian so we can start planning? Blaine’s got some really good ideas and I think we should be discussing themes.”  
“The theme’s _Halloween_.” Nick rolled his eyes, but turned on his heel to disappear into his bedroom. Blaine sat down while they waited and gave a small smile at the study set-up Nick had on his coffee table.

“He used to do this at Dalton too. At least five highlighters – at least some things never change.”

Kurt cocked his head, curious about what Blaine could mean by that, when Nick showed back up before he could ask. “Hey, Bas is _really_ looking like shit. I told him he should probably just go home, I think he’s actually sick or something.”

“What?”

“How?”

Nick was biting his thumbnail, looking just as nervous as he’d tended to be in high school. His bravado from earlier was gone, as far as Kurt could tell. “I don’t know, how does someone get sick?” he muttered, with a small huff. “Sorry. I just- I was hoping he could hang out here for a little bit, but if he’s not feeling well then I can’t tell him to stay, cause then he’ll want to help out instead of sleeping or something.”

“I can take him home,” Blaine offered without hesitation.

“Take who home?” Sebastian shuffled into the living room then, and Kurt understood exactly what Nick had meant when he said he looked like shit. There was no color in his face except for the dark circles under his eyes. His hair fell limp and lifeless over his forehead and the suit he’d obviously worn to his one Friday class was wrinkled from a heavy sleep in Nick’s bed. “You better not be talking about me.” His voice sounded even more rough than he looked. It had to hurt just to talk.

“I was,” Blaine said bluntly, “you should probably be sleeping.”

“I was just sleeping.”

“Recovering, then.”

Sebastian sat down on the couch and immediately folded in on himself, listing to one side. The arm of the couch was the only thing that held him up. “Recovering from what?”

“Shut up.” Nick reached out and pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. “That’s definitely a fever,” he said with a low whistle.

Blaine got up but Kurt stopped him with a hand on his arm before he could go any closer. “You _cannot_ get sick,” he interrupted. “Remember what happened the last time you were laid up? Vapo Rub, Blaine. She rubbed it all over your bare chest!”

“ _What?”_

Even Sebastian looked up and managed a disgruntled, “huh?”

Blaine rolled his eyes and huffed. “Well he can’t just stay here shivering on the couch.”

“I’ll take him home.”

“I can just call an Uber,” Sebastian reminded them all after he heard Kurt’s suggestion.

“Someone needs to make sure you don’t faceplant onto the sidewalk, and Blaine knows the Warblers better than me anyway. He can help Nick figure out where to put everyone up.”

Nick shrugged, despite the nails he continued to bite. “Can’t argue with that.”

“I can,” Sebastian grumbled.

Blaine hesitated and Kurt stepped closer, lowering his voice, “I’ll just take him to the loft,” he assured him quietly, mostly to wipe the worried frown off of his face. “It’ll be fine. He can sleep the worst of it off there.”

Those gentle hazel eyes looked to his face, then over to Sebastian, then back at him. “Okay,” he finally murmured. For some reason it mattered most that he followed Blaine’s lead on this.

“Okay,” Kurt echoed. He reached for his coat while Nick disappeared again. He came back with Sebastian’s coat and managed to talk him into sitting up to put it on. It took a few minutes, but they were finally moving back out the door with a firm promise to text both Nick and Blaine once they made it home. He never did specify what home meant, though.

Sebastian’s fingers fumbled with his phone and Kurt took it with an impatient huff. “This is why you’re sick, you’re not even wearing gloves,” he grumbled.

“It’s like fifty degrees still, I don’t need gloves.”

Kurt raised a brow. “You’re shivering so violently that I can feel it by standing next to you.”

Sebastian pulled his coat tighter around himself. “Just call the Uber, Nancy.” Kurt had to fight to keep the smile off of his face at that.

The app was already pulled up, so it wasn’t all that hard for Kurt to change the destination to his apartment rather than Sebastian and Preston’s. And judging by the other’s current situational awareness, it would be easy to convince him to stay. This wasn’t kidnapping, was it? No. Sebastian was coming willingly.

“Come on,” he pocketed Sebastian’s phone and noticed that he must really be feeling terrible if he didn’t ask for it back when they climbed into the Uber. Instead he immediately leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Kurt was a little worried that he was about to get carsick, but he quickly realized Sebastian was just dozing off. That was fine. They didn’t need any awkward small talk.

And it gave him an extra moment to study this person next to him. It dawned on Kurt that it was no wonder Sebastian got sick. He was skin and bone under that suit. Of course the coat wouldn’t be able to keep him warm. He’d lost some muscle mass since high school – which didn’t make sense, considering Kurt only knew that people put weight on when they went to college.

He’d bulked up even, after his attack. But he wondered if Sebastian’s stress had manifested in a different way. It shouldn’t even be his worry though. He didn’t like Sebastian Smythe, not even as an acquaintance. This was just the right thing to do.

Kurt was grateful when the driver finally stopped in front of his building. “Hey, we’re here.” He gave the other a small shake, but it only made Sebastian’s head loll a bit against the headrest. Kurt huffed and tugged at him. It at least moved his limp body out of the car, and by the time they stumbled out Sebastian was somewhat awake.

“This definitely isn’t my apartment.”

“Mine was closer.” It wasn’t. They both knew it. Sebastian coughed next to him and Kurt tugged him along with both hands wrapped lightly around his arm. Don’t think about the book, he reminded himself, as he made sure to keep his grip gentle while he guided him up the steps to his building. At least once they stepped inside, into the heat, his shivering stopped being so violent. Kurt led him up the stairs and by the time they actually made it to the loft Sebastian had started shaking again, this time from the exertion.

He hurried to get him inside before he could pass out. Kurt was not dragging his sorry ass to bed. “Here, you can lie down in Rachel’s bed. She only comes around like every two weeks nowadays.”

“Gross. I don’t want to get Berry on me.” Despite the complaining, Sebastian seemed more than eager to at least sit down on the edge of the bed. He moved to lay down, but Kurt stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Take your coat off.”

“Worst come-on ever.”

“Shut up and take your coat off.”

Sebastian stared at him with eyes clouded over from sickness. Slowly, he acquiesced and pulled his coat off, and Kurt just took it upon himself to take it before Sebastian could topple over on top of it. The thing looked expensive, it would be a shame to wrinkle it. He was so busy looking it over that he forgot there was a feverish person sitting in front of him until he spoke up. “Where’s Blaine?”

“Back at Nick’s. He’ll stop by once they’re done and figure out what to do with you then.”Kurt nudged at his legs with his foot and Sebastian brought them onto the bed. He groaned and rolled onto his side.

“No- where’s… Blaine’s stuff? It doesn’t look like Blaine in here.” What the hell did that mean? Kurt wanted to ask, but he chalked it up to his feverish state.

“Blaine and I don’t live together.”

Sebastian was silent for a moment. “I should text Preston,” he murmured. His eyes opened an inch, but he didn’t move other than that. His gaze stuck on something else. Kurt glanced over and saw the book that was sitting on his dining table, right in the line of sight. He sat down next to the curled up legs and busied himself with pulling the first of Sebastian’s ridiculously expensive shoes off. Rachel would kill him if he let anyone put shoes on the bed she didn’t use anymore.

“Hummel?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think- sometimes he does nice things, and it’s like I can forget all of that horrible shit, you know?”

“Mm.” Kurt’s fingers pulled at the second shoelace, slowly undoing the thread. He tried not to think of the book that they both wanted to stare at. Tried not to think about how he’d finished it that first day he’d started it and had absorbed every passage. Tried not to think of the descriptions of Sebastian, bruised and bloodied by someone who should have loved him.

“Forgetting it… Is that right?”

“No,” Kurt all but whispered, “but it’s understandable, that you wouldn’t want to think about the bad things.” He tugged the second shoe off and set them both down next to the bed. This conversation should be for Blaine, or for Nick, for one of his friends. When did any of them get what they deserved, though?

Sebastian stayed silent for so long that Kurt thought he had fallen asleep. He stood slowly so he wouldn’t disturb him, grabbed a throw blanket to pull over him but paused when he turned back around and found cloudy eyes staring up at him. “I was talking about my dad,” he murmured. “My dad.”

Kurt nodded. “I know,” he said, gentler than he ever thought he’d be capable of when it came to Sebastian Smythe. In the absence of a friend, he supposed he could step in. “Of course you were.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian whispered, in his grating voice, “thanks for believing me, Nancy.” He closed his eyes again, and his fevered face pressed into the pillow.

We don’t know what to do in these situations, Kurt had to remind himself, we have to learn as we go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentions of abuse throughout this chapter
> 
> and my tumblr is same as ao3, i am cinnabeebon on tumblr, if you would like to discuss seblaine w/ me or follow me so i can find more seblaine content <3 literally just made it so we will see how this goes


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just to reiterate - thank you all so much to everyone who reviews and has something nice to say about this fic or everyone who's left kudos. like i can't even tell you what it means to me to see that you're interested in what i'm writing. i think i mentioned on the note in the first chapter that i haven't written fic in years, and it's true, so it's insane to know that people actually think my writing's worth reading now. 
> 
> and like, I'm far from done folks, so it's nice to know at least someone wants to read it. Especially when I'm putting out chapters when I don't feel like I'm at my best.
> 
> sorry for making you so sad though. but, as I've told myself while I'm writing this, in order to get to the comfort you've got to get through the hurt first. and unfortunately we're just starting to dive into that point. i feel like it is sort of hard for me to write deeper topics because i'm not great at writing serious things, but i'm going to try my best with it. as always, any thoughts or reviews would be appreciated!! tw at the end notes!

It had been a while since Sebastian had woken up in an unfamiliar bed. Judging by the color scheme of this one it wasn’t his usual fare. And the full-body ache that wracked him reminded him that he wasn’t really in the mood for anything. He groaned and rolled onto his front, hiding his face in the pillow. He inhaled the scent of untouched laundry, so different than his own bed at home with the constant lingering smell of Preston’s cologne.

Fuck. His boyfriend. Where was his boyfriend? In his panic, he didn’t hear anyone approach. “Morning sunshine.” The voice startled him. He gave a small flinch and turned his head to find-Hummel? Fuck, what did he do?

He opened his mouth to speak, but he had to get the words out around a dry cough. “Why am I here?”

“Wow, that’s a hell of a thank you for making sure you didn’t collapse on the sidewalk.”

Sebastian sneered, but it fell away quickly. He rested his head back on the pillow, too sore to keep it up while he watched Hummel out of the corner of his eye. “I wouldn’t have collapsed.”

“Okay. Get up right now and show me.” He stared up at Kurt and tried to think of a good rebuttal, but all his brain could focus on at the moment was the burning pain in his throat and sinuses. “Yeah, I thought so.”

He disappeared behind a curtain while Sebastian tried his hardest to push himself up out of bed. He hadn’t made any significant headway by the time Kurt returned, but he did manage to turn over onto his back once more. “Where’s my phone?”

“Dead. I don’t have an iPhone charger here.” Kurt pulled it out of his pocket and tossed it onto the bed next to him. He reached for it to check if it really was dead and frowned when it refused to turn on.

“No, I need to text Preston. How long have I been here for? He’s going to freak out.”

Kurt tilted his head and peered down at him. Jesus, what was with the look of this guy? What was he, a therapist? There was no reason for him to have that look on his face while he watched Sebastian press on the power button of his phone futilely. “I let him know,” he said after a moment, his voice was softer. It wasn’t the shrillness that grated on his nerves now, it was the dip into pity. “I told him you were sick and that I took you here because I couldn’t get your address. It was late last night so he said he’d text back in the morning.”

Fuck. Preston was going to be so pissed. Sebastian tossed his phone back onto the bed, exhausted already at the thought of how he would explain this all to his boyfriend.

Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed and held out a glass of water to him, as well as a couple of pills. He wanted to refuse it, but the look on his face told him that it wasn’t really an option right now.

“Poisoning me now?” He managed to get up enough on one arm to swallow the pills and a meagre amount of water without choking.

“You wish.”

Sebastian bit back a chuckle, partly because he wouldn’t give Kurt the satisfaction and partly because it would hurt too much.

“Come on, you’ll feel better if you sit up.” A hand wrapped around his bicep. Finally, with some help, he was able to sit up against the headboard. But Kurt’s fingers lingered for an extra second on his arm, squeezing tight over the wrinkled fabric of his shirt. 

Sebastian raised a brow at him. “Are you just going to sit there and feel me up?”

“I’m not.” Kurt defended instantly. His hand dropped and reminded Sebastian that he actually felt pretty cold without any human contact. “Didn’t you used to play lacrosse?” The question broke back into his thoughts.

What the fuck did that have to do with anything. “Uh, yeah?”

He didn’t say anything else about it, just tilted his head at him before he stood up. “Do you want breakfast? Blaine’s out right now, but he’ll be back in an hour with Sam, I could have him pick you up something if you feel up to it.” It was the way he said it, as if he expected a no, that made Sebastian realize that Kurt was looking for something in him. Looking to pick him apart, for whatever reason. They hated each other, he was probably looking for some sort of weakness, something to hold over him and to bring to Blaine to remind him why he should hat Sebastian too.

Well, two could play at that game, Hummel. He shook his head at the offer of food. “I feel like shit,” he muttered, “throat hurts too much to eat anything.” Kurt hummed at that and one eyebrow arched at him. Oh, it was so on.

Sebastian was made to comply when Kurt shoved at his shoulder to get him to scoot over, and soon he found himself sat next to Hummel on Rachel Berry’s ugly ass bed. Kurt picked up his hand and tugged it into his lap. “What are you doing?” What sort of game was this?

“Painting your nails.” He’d missed the nail polish sitting on the end table. “You’ll feel better if you stay up, and you need something to distract you.”

“Okay, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not like you. I’m not a-”

“Don’t say it.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to look like a fairy.”

“Relax. I picked out a dark grey for you, it’s very chic for a man.” As far as he’d observed, Kurt didn’t seem to be the touching type. Handling his hands was an exception, apparently. He yawned and tested his own theory, leaning into Kurt’s shoulder in the guise of being too tired to hold himself up. “Wow, your hands are cold,” Kurt mumbled, stiffening as he slumped into his side.

“I’m aware. They are my hands.” He watched as he picked up a clear base coat and ignored the shrug of the shoulder that was meant to dislodge him. “Do I get to know why you’re doing this to me?”

“My mom used to do this whenever I felt bad as a kid.” Under him, Kurt seemingly gave up trying to shrug him off.

Sebastian watched him through hooded eyes. “That probably got you beat up.”

He shrugged. “I liked it. She liked making me feel better.” Kurt didn’t say anything for a moment, but of course he continued with the question that he was pretty sure everyone was dying to have answered at this point. “Did your mom…”

“Know?” Sebastian guessed for him. Because he knew John had never asked that question, and there wouldn’t be an answer in the book. He leaned forward a little, peering over Kurt’s shoulder to watch as the little brush swiped over his nails. “Mom had a revolving door of boyfriends and a pill problem, she wasn’t exactly lucid enough to pay any sort of attention.” He sighed, and his forehead landed on Kurt’s shoulder while he tried to find the strength to stay up. Now would be a nice time for those pills to kick in. Kurt’s arm froze under him before he continued on, “but when she was coherent, sometimes, it was nice. I’d take those moments of lucidity over not having her,” he added softly. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have her.”

Talking about his own mother encouraged Kurt to continue painting his nails. “You don’t get used to it. But you learn how to go on,” he told Sebastian after a moment.

“Do you?” He looked up.

Kurt raised a brow.

“I know, it’s an asshole move to talk about dead parents.”

Kurt shook his head, before he looked down again and focused on his nails. “No one ever wants to. It’s kind of just danced around.”

“Same goes for abusive parents, you know. Something about it makes people uncomfortable.”  
“I think it’s the abuse that does that.”

“Hm. Could be.” The first coat on his right hand was finished, so Kurt held his hand out for the left and he obliged. “It’s not like I’m looking for pity, though,” he added quietly. “It’s just something that happened.”

Kurt was quiet for once, but he nodded along.

“Like, honestly, you would think more people would just focus on how hot I am.” He could almost hear Kurt rolling his eyes next to him.

“Don’t you think it’s nice to have people worried about you?”

“No. It’s never done me any good before.” John had worried about him and look where that got him.

“It could now.”

“Are you worried about me because of something that doesn’t even happen anymore?”

“Doesn’t it?” Doesn’t it?

Sebastian froze at the words. He hid his hesitation behind a cough and wondered what the hell Hummel was getting at. “I haven’t seen my dad in a full year now, just talk sometimes,” he stressed.

“… Hmm.” Kurt gave him that look again. Like he was analyzing him. Sebastian leaned more into the headboard when his anxiety picked up.

He shrugged, brushed off the concern. “Come on, I’m sure you got sick of it. People being worried about you.”

“I- It was awkward. My dad never knew what to say.”

“I can tell.”

“What?” Kurt was never going to finish his nails if he kept looking at him.

He gave him a blank stare back. “I mean, it’s why you’re not that affectionate with Blaine, right? You’ve got that whole ‘emotionally stunted Midwestern kid’ thing going on.”

“That’s… what? How is that a thing?” Kurt asked, frowning down at his hand.

“It’s a huge thing. No offense, Hummel, but it’s not exactly hard to guess you weren’t hugged that much growing up. With your mom gone and your dad… well, Blaine says your dad’s great, but I’m guessing if you weren’t out until high school it wasn’t always like that.”

He didn’t stop painting his nails, but he did pause for a moment. “Are you psychoanalyzing me?”

Yes. Sebastian scoffed, “no. It’s just obvious. You’re uncomfortable with touching.”

Kurt’s head tilted, considering his answer. It helped that he was right about what he said. “… I guess I just never got used to it.”

“Like I said, I can tell.”

“Okay, no offense Sebastian- actually, full offense because I don’t care about offending you, but how the hell would you be more…?”

“Comfortable than you?” he clarified, resting his chin on Kurt’s shoulder to prove a point. “Because my mom is a hugger whether she is or isn’t lucid, and I spent half my time in Paris.”

Kurt shrugged him off and turned his head to give him a glare. But while it would have been vicious once upon a time, now the edges in his face softened whenever he looked at Sebastian. Out of pity, no less. Pity he didn’t need from Kurt or anyone else.

“Also, I’m hot. If you think guys haven’t been on this since middle school-”

“Oh my god.” At least that got him a disgusted roll of the eyes. “You have a boyfriend.”

Sebastian finally chuckled, but it tapered off quickly. He did have a boyfriend who was going to be very upset with him. “Has he texted you back yet?”

“Not yet, I’d hear my phone if he did.”

“Could you check?”

“Sebastian. I would hear it.”

“Just check, Nancy.” Kurt grumbled something and pulled out his phone, snapping at him not to move his hand. He looked over his shoulder and saw the same thing as Kurt – no new messages. It was still kind of early though, Preston was probably still sleeping. Kurt’s voice was softer when he asked, “does that make you feel better?”

Rather than answer, Sebastian had his own question as he looked over his half-painted nails. “Why are you helping me?”

There was a moment of hesitation, before Kurt said, gently, “we’re older now. I know we keep saying it, but I mean it, what happened in high school is high school. It seems like so long ago.”

He snorted. “It was like four years ago.”

“Yeah, forever ago.”

He could barely keep his head up anymore. Sebastian slumped down a little more, resting his weight half on Kurt out of necessity instead of just to be an annoyance. “If it’s your pity, I don’t want it.”

“I don’t pity you,” Kurt lied. He was a horrible liar, his voice got even more shrill.

“You do,” he huffed, piecing it together quite well. “You feel bad for me, and you’re helping Blaine.”

“Sebastian… I- Well I mean, I read the book-”

Obviously, he knew that. But he still groaned at the reminder. “Stupid fucking-”

“It’s what normal people do you know, they feel bad for people in those situations-”

“Is that all it takes to turn you into a bleeding heart? A sob story? You’re too gullible.” He thought of Karofsky for a second, and how he’d been ready to change too.

“It’s not being gullible, it’s being empathetic, and that’s not such a bad thing.” Kurt finished up the last of his nails. Sebastian frowned as Kurt took his own nail and swiped over the few spots he’d over-painted.

“Yeah well, I make it a habit to not be gullible in life.”

“And where has that gotten you?” Kurt asked him with a quiet hum.

Touché, Hummel. Sebastian didn’t say it out loud though. He rolled his eyes and tried not to fall over completely while Kurt finished up his nails. He had to admit (to himself only) that it did look interesting. Like he had a little edge to him. He wondered if a young Kurt had thought that too. “This looks gay,” he grumbled into Kurt’s ear.

That at least got him a side-eye. “You’re gay.”

“I’m going to have to go to class in a couple of days, you know.”

“I can take it off.”

“Well, no. You just put it on. I’m tired, anyway, stop touching my hands,” he grumbled before Kurt could get anywhere near him with the nail polish remover.

He obliged and let his hands go. Sebastian resisted the urge to wrap them around himself so it wouldn’t mess up the drying polish, but they just got so cold so easily. His fingers were like ice on his already chilled skin.

“Blaine’s going to bring you some clothes,” he heard from Kurt, who was already clearing off the end table. He nodded, wondering how the hell he was supposed to be able to get up and get changed when he felt like such shit. His silence must have conveyed that, because Kurt added, “you can go back to sleep while you wait. The Benadryl will probably kick in by then.”

An unease settled in his stomach. Had his discomfort looked so obvious on his face? It shouldn’t. Even sick, he shouldn’t make it obvious that he had a vulnerability like that. He nodded slowly and carefully put his hands down so he could curl back up under the covers.

Kurt’s footsteps hovered close for an extra minute before he heard the swish of a curtain being closed and he was left to be relatively alone. He let out a wheezing breath and buried his head back into the pillow. An involuntary shiver ran through him. Not from the sickness, but from an affliction in his spine. That unease. A wrongness. He shouldn’t be known like that. It only got him into situations he felt ungrounded in. That couldn’t happen again if he wanted to keep his feet under him.

He closed his eyes to sleep, hazy memories of a night of vulnerability running through his head. Kurt’s words came back to him, the assurance that they had been talking about his dad the night before mixed in with memories he’d buried of being in a Dalton dorm and making John promise to not mention anything to anyone. He couldn’t let himself slip like that again.

* * *

“Sebastian!” He woke back up to a familiar voice hovering over his head. “Hey, wake up for a moment, will you?”

“No,” he mumbled, because waking up sounded like shit right now. It was more because he just didn’t want to open his eyes, he noted. The medicine had kicked in nicely.

“Nick’s going to be here in a bit, don’t you want to be up for that?”

“ _No_.”

The presence right next to him disappeared after a few seconds and he instead heard quiet murmuring nearby. “Oh, what? Kurt did you paint his nails?” stood out to him. Whatever Kurt responded with was farther away though. He cracked his eye open and saw Blaine hovering near the curtain, still clad in his coat and boots.

“Are you planning on leaving?” he spoke up, his words crackling with his useless voice. He regretted it almost instantly, but when Blaine turned towards him and smiled Sebastian returned it. There was no judgement sitting in that gaze leveled on him. Nothing told him Blaine was picking apart his concern over him leaving.

“You’re up! Also, no, I just got in.” He patted himself down like he’d forgotten he was even in his coat and he couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the action.

“And your first thought was to come see me? Sweet, B, but I have a boyfriend.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Sebastian, you’re just _so_ irresistible. Is that dried snot on your face?”

Probably. Hopefully. He groaned and gave up trying to sit up so he could instead wipe feebly at his face.

“Hold on, I’ll be right back.” Blaine disappeared while he tried his best to clear his face before he could make an even bigger fool of himself. It didn’t bother him in the way he thought it would, though. He felt embarrassed, sure, but not stripped open and raw like he did whenever anyone’s prying gaze caught him these days.

Don’t think about that too much, he noted mentally. Nothing good would come from dwelling on that. Luckily, Blaine proved to be a good distraction too when he came back without his coat and with a tall blond in tow.

Said tall blond looked just about as uncomfortable as Sebastian felt with this new development. “Hey, man,” he said in a quiet greeting before he stuffed his hands in his pockets and glared over at Blaine.

Sebastian did the same. “Who the hell is this?”

“Uh, Sam. He graduated from McKinley with me. Did you guys ever meet in high school? I can’t remember…”

“If we did, it wasn’t properly.” Tall, blond, cute face when he wasn’t looking like he’d just witnessed the family dog being run over. He couldn’t blame Blaine for hiding this one.

It turned out that Sam wasn’t really happy that Blaine was fraternizing with an old high school enemy, but he might as well get in line about that one. Blaine didn’t seem to be changing his mind about him any time, which Sebastian found more gratifying than he wanted to think about. He shouldn’t get used to this. He would have to break things off with Blaine again eventually, before they got too close.

Until then he supposed he could enjoy the few moments he got of Blaine’s smile being aimed at him. Especially when he sat down next to Sebastian and mirrored what Kurt had done to help him up earlier.

Sam hid a scoff behind his hand. “Dude, if you get sick again I’m not saving you from another girl with Vapo Rub.”

“ _What_ in the hell are you talking about?” he asked with a sniffle.

No one answered him. Blaine just grumbled next to him and suddenly both of his hands wrapped tight around his biceps. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Typical. How did he know that was typical of Blaine? He didn’t know anyone this well anymore, save for his own boyfriend. “Come on Sebastian, do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Did he want to do anything? No. But sprawling out with Blaine and watching a movie was probably the first thing on his list that he wanted to if he did want to do anything. “Sure,” he answered before he could think of an actual reason to say no.

“Star Wars?” Sam suggested.

“Never seen it,” he mumbled.

Both of them gasped. From the kitchen, Kurt groaned, “why would you say that?” Holy shit, he was still there too? How many of them needed to be there just to watch him cough up snot.

“How have you never seen Star Wars?” Blaine asked as he pulled him to his feet.

Sebastian shrugged and tried not to let the movement throw him onto the floor. “Because I get laid.”

“Dude. Look at me. Being a nerd isn’t a turn-off anymore.” He looked over at Sam and had to admit that he had a point.

That didn’t mean he had any urge to watch the stupid movie, but Blaine didn’t seem deterred. He grinned and glanced between them. “Okay, we definitely need a Star Wars marathon then.”

“And that’s my cue. I’m running to the store,” Kurt shouted from across the loft.

Sebastian had no idea what he was being left to, but he wasn’t too against it as Blaine steadied him with a hand on his chest. Unfortunately it left him once he was led to the bathroom and told to change into some borrowed clothes of Sam’s. Once he no longer had to sit in his sweaty suit he stumbled over to the couch and dropped down onto it to curl up there instead of in Rachel Berry’s ridiculously frilly bed. He listed to the side, unable to sit up fully without feeling like he would drown in his own snot.

Blaine appeared next to him. “How are you feeling?”  
“Like the time my dad beat the shit out of me for showing up at his country club drunk.”

“Sebastian.”

“You _asked_.” He looked up at where Blaine stood, prepared to be annoyed at the pity in his eyes, but it wasn’t there. He just looked… hurt. If Blaine had any bad looks, it was that one. He hated to see it on him. “It wasn’t that bad,” he amended.

Blaine didn’t look convinced. Interestingly enough, he reached out and pushed Sebastian’s hair off of his face for him. Before he could even think to say thank you he disappeared again. He came back a few minutes later with a bowl of something that looked creamy and smelled fucking amazing. “Broccoli cheddar soup,” he told Sebastian’s questioning face. “It’ll feel good on your throat.”

Sebastian stared at the bowl in complete bewilderment. Why would he do that? He leaned over the arm of the couch and peered into the bowl. Somehow the smell got past the congestion in his sinuses and actually made his stomach growl. He clenched his fist and reflexively tried to ignore the sensation of hunger. He was sick, he shouldn’t even be hungry.

Sebastian sniffled and sat back against the couch, studiously ignoring the soup. He would apologize and tell Blaine he just felt too horrible, was all.

“Dude,” holy shit, he’d forgotten about model-worthy Sam in the armchair nearby. “If you’re hungry, just eat it. It’ll make you feel better.”

Okay… freak. Sebastian frowned at him. “I’m not hungry.”

Sam’s gaze bit into him. “Your stomach growled. I heard it all the way from here.”

“So?”

“So you’re hungry _and_ sick. You should eat.”

“What’s it matter to you?”

Sam cocked his head. “It doesn’t. But I’m just saying, if you want to eat, you should.”

Blaine’s footsteps echoed behind him, coming back, and he sat down next to Sebastian and smiled at him. It felt warm. He reluctantly he picked up the bowl and balanced it in his lap, and the heat of it warmed his legs as well. And if he hesitated before picking up the spoon, well, not even Sam noticed with his eyes focused on the movie that started.

Without any sort of scrutiny it was easy to finish half of the bowl. In fact, it was almost welcoming. Blaine had been right, it did feel good on his throat.

Nick arrived right before the end of the movie, which was for the best probably, otherwise he would’ve fallen asleep and he was pretty sure Blaine wouldn’t appreciate that with how into it he was. Even though he’d apparently seen it a bunch of times and could quote it with Sam. “Hey guys,” Nick said as he simply walked in, closing the door noisily behind him.

Blaine shushed him, because it was apparently a very interesting moment. Whatever was going on was important to him, so Sebastian took it upon himself to catch Nick up instead. “We’re watching young, hot Harrison Ford. So do your homework until it’s over.”

It was a testament to how much he knew his friend that Nick didn’t miss a beat as he collapsed into the chair and pulled out his laptop to do just that. He vaguely remembered him complaining about a paper that wasn’t due for another month, but that he wanted to work on an outline for. They’d talked about it for like an hour the last time they’d gotten coffee, so Sebastian wasn’t surprised that he was enraptured with his laptop until well after the credits rolled.

“Nick!” Blaine called his name for a second time to get his attention. Nick finally looked up, bewildered at all of the eyes on him. “I was saying that this is Sam, have you guy met before?”

He blinked and looked at Sam, who gave him the same uneasy wave he’d given Sebastian. “Yeah, in passing or whatever. Probably. I’m Nick,” he said, giving a small shake of his head. He hesitated and shifted like he was about to stand up and offer a handshake or something.

Sebastian’s eyes flickered between them. “Do _not_ shake his hand, you’ll look like such a dork. Which you are. But you don’t want to look like it.”

“I’m not a- I wasn’t thinking about it,” Nick sputtered out.

Sebastian laughed, glad it didn’t hurt as much to do so now. “Sorry Sam, Nick’s just got a thing for blonds. He gets flustered.” Next to him, Blaine chastised him gently for teasing his friend, but he was laughing just as much. And when Sebastian leaned into his side to help keep himself up, he didn’t push him away. In fact, he simply shifted to allow him more room.

Nick’s face went bright red as quick as ever. He huffed and turned back to his laptop. “Anyway. So Blaine and I were working on the guest list for Halloween last night.”

“Which is a horrible idea, in my opinion,” Sebastian informed them all from his spot now draped over Blaine’s shoulder. “The last time we all partied together three different people had to go to the hospital.”

“That wasn’t even our party. That was a Warbler-adjacent incident.” Nick seemed to get over some of his embarrassment as he turned his pleading eyes towards him. “Come on Bas, it’ll be fun. All of us in New York? Look, it’ll be perfectly organized.” He turned his laptop around so he could see the open Excel page. “I started a spreadsheet about where everyone will stay.”

Fucking dork. Sebastian bit down on his cheek to hide his smile. “Invite Hunter,” he finally demanded in lieu of an agreement.

“What?” Wow, he was close enough to feel the way the shock vibrated Blaine’s chest.

Nick was less than impressed. “Um, no.”

Sam sat up in interest. “Steroids guy? Why would you want to invite him?”

“Because when he’s not foaming at the mouth for a show choir win or being insufferably straight, he can be kind of fun,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “Fun to mess with, really. But in a good way.”

Nick only stared at him. “Hunter was insane.”

“So was I.” He rolled his eyes and tilted his head back, bumping it into Blaine’s shoulder. “If you get to invite Trent, then I want Hunter invited.”

And just as he predicted, Nick wasn’t able to say no to him in the same way he couldn’t say no to his stupid ideas. “Fine. But you have to invite him because I’m not talking to him, and he’s staying with you.”

Sebastian grinned. “Fair enough.”

Nick ducked his head to add it to his gay little spreadsheet while Blaine and Sam argued over who would put on the next movie. Eventually it was Sam who had to get up and find the remote, because Blaine’s excuse that he couldn’t move was backed up by Sebastian coughing pitifully whenever he so much as attempted to get up. He didn’t think Sam bought their impromptu act, but it did make Blaine laugh quietly and squeeze his arm in gentle comradery. Really, what else mattered?

Sebastian tilted his head back and caught a small smile on Blaine’s face. He realized then that he hadn’t felt that same full-body revulsion at being seen by Blaine as he had earlier with Kurt. Nothing here was threatening. This was his friend, wanting to spend time with him.

Of course, Blaine was still observant. He could see a question or two lingering on his tongue when he looked at him closely, but for the most part he seemed content to just let Sebastian sit there with him. So he did just that. He stretched his legs out in front of himself and focused absently on the movie.

“Are you going to be hot Harrison Ford for the Halloween party?” he asked in a quiet murmur a while. His head was resting on Blaine’s shoulder, eyes glazed over too much to see the screen. He could probably fall asleep again, but for some reason he just really wanted to be awake enough to enjoy the moment.

“I told you, his name’s Han Solo,” Blaine corrected without any real dismay at his apparent lack of ability to pick up on the details of the movie. “And I don’t know, it’s still like a month away. I don’t know if I could pull it off.”

“You could,” he answered immediately.

“Oh? You’re that sure about it?”

“I’m always sure about you.” You’re the surest thing I know, he wanted to add. You’ve changed, but you’re still the same warm presence I knew, and I didn’t know it was possible for someone to make another feel so at ease, he wanted to say.

But he didn’t, because that would be insane. Sebastian didn’t know why he always thought these things whenever he got Blaine close. He curled up a little more, used it to turn away from the movie slightly and rest his head against Blaine’s bicep.

If Blaine had anything to say about him not watching the movie, he didn’t say it.

Everything passed smoothly until Kurt returned home with a loud bang of the door. It startled Sebastian and he flinched just slightly. A steady hand squeezed his arm while Kurt looked at all of them over the multiple shopping bags he had. “Oh wow, there’s even more people here. In my apartment.”

“Hi Kurt.” Nick waved absently before he went back to whatever it was that he was working on now.

“Blaine? Going to give me a hand with these?”

“Oh, right.” Blaine took a few seconds to get up with Sebastian still sprawled out half over him. He supposed he could’ve made it easier for him to get out from underneath him, but now that Hummel had returned he realized he really did feel an ungodly amount of exhaustion again. Eventually Blaine got up but took a few moments while he was walking away, eyes still glued to the tv screen. He helped Kurt put whatever he’d gotten away – Sebastian heard Blaine mutter something about him not needing so many journals – while he stayed back on the couch with Nick stealing not so subtle glances every now and then and Sam fully enthralled in Star Wars.

He turned to Sam, not needing the questions in Nick’s eyes right now. “Since when was Bigfoot in Star Wars?” he asked around a yawn, nodding at the screen.

Sam looked at him, then at the screen, confused for a moment before he put the pieces together. “Have you not been paying attention _at all_?”

“It’s hard to keep up,” he defended innocently.

That got him a lecture on every single character that he couldn’t care less about. But Blaine returned in the middle of it, adding his two cents in when necessary. Sebastian didn’t know who the hell Luke Skywalker was seeing as he wasn’t played by Harrison Ford, but he realized he really didn’t mind listening to Blaine talk about him. And well, he was pulled right back into his side when Blaine realized he could barely hold himself up again.

At some point Nick caught his eye and raised a brow at him. Sebastian frowned right back at him.

Really, it should have been harder to fall asleep in that position, but he still managed it. Sebastian woke back up when a knock sounded at the door. Under him, he felt a warm body shift. He was lifted just a bit while the arm under him moved and he put his own arm down to steady himself. Above him, voices were murmuring quietly. “Who knocks?” he heard asked softly, before the response came from farther away. He heard the scrape of the door open and a few seconds later he heard some hurried footsteps come towards him.

“Jesus, Sebby, I was so worried.” Hands grabbed his shoulders pulling him up and squeezing a little bit while Sebastian wavered where he sat.

It took his head a few seconds to catch up. Preston. His boyfriend was here. He opened his eyes and blinked. Confusion washed over him while he took in the sight of bright blue eyes under a furrowed brow. “Yeah, yeah. I- Kurt had my phone,” he mumbled, hoping it would erase the lines on Preston’s face. He was so tired. He just needed to curl up in bed. “I was gonna text you, promise.”

“Of course you were,” his boyfriend crooned. One hand came up to cup his cheek, cold to the touch where it touched his skin. “You just didn’t get around to it quick enough.”

Right. Yeah, of course Preston would get it.

“Yeah, sorry, it died when we left Nick’s and I didn’t have an iPhone charger.” Kurt reappeared with his phone in hand and set it on top of his folded up-coat on the coffee table. “He was too out of it to tell me your address.”

Preston didn’t believe him. Sebastian could see it in his eyes - the doubt that he knew all too well - but he didn’t call Kurt out on it. Instead he gave him a smile and nodded. “Well, I guess I owe you a thank you for making sure he’s okay,” he said softly.

In front of him, Preston rose back to his feet. He leaned in and slipped his arm under one of Sebastian’s and he felt it pull him to his own feet.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? He’s still pretty sick.” Blaine appeared at his other side, close enough that Sebastian could probably just drape himself over his shoulder once more.

“And that’s why he should probably go home.” Preston’s hand settled on his ribcage, pressing in hard and tugging him right up to his boyfriend’s side. At least it was easy to put all of his weight on him.

“I just think all the moving around’s going to make it worse.” Blaine’s hands shot out to steady his shaky legs.

Fingers dug into his side. “No, I’m- it’s fine. I’m ready to go home,” Sebastian finally spoke up for himself, voice grating on his throat once more. He picked his head up and found Blaine’s eyes gazing into his. While he might have been able to get away with lying straight to Kurt’s face, or even Nick’s, he had to look away before any sort of agreement with Blaine crawled its way up his traitorous throat. “I can actually get home now that I’ve got him helping me.”

“Okay.” There was no conviction when Blaine quietly agreed to let him go. He didn’t believe that Sebastian would be fine going home. Why wouldn’t he believe him?

His heartbeat sped up. It made his head spin, and he stumbled into Preston’s side. “Okay, yeah. We should head out.” Preston’s lips pressed against his sweaty temple. He didn’t know how he could even stand to be close to him right now.

Sebastian sniffled as he stumbled along the pathway that his boyfriend made for them. He nodded at Nick’s frown and promised to see him later that week before he turned back to Blaine. “Bye B, thanks for everything.”

“Um, this is _my_ apartment.”

“Nancy.” Sebastian gave Kurt a tight smile goodbye, but before he could even see the indignation in Hummel’s eyes Preston urged him out the door. He really did have to lean on his boyfriend to get down the stairs, and they both felt the eyes on them from the windows when they made it out onto the street. There was a car waiting though, and he found himself ushered into it before he could even think about looking back.

“Whose clothes are you wearing?” Preston asked as he leaned over and buckled Sebastian’s seatbelt for him when it became obvious he wasn’t going to be sitting straight up on his own any time soon.

“Sam’s. Blaine’s friend,” he clarified, wiping his hand over his face. He felt cold again, even with his coat bundled back up around him. He wrapped his arms around himself and focused his eyes on the back of the driver’s head. _Take it slow_ , he begged.

“Why’s he giving you his clothes to wear?” his boyfriend said with a snort. Sebastian couldn’t miss the bite in his words. He knew each and every tone of Preston’s voice better than his own.

“Because I was still in my suit for class and it was covered in my sweat.” Next to him he heard a scoff.

The mood wasn’t any better at home. The driver had taken it slow enough, but they had still gotten home in the end. His headache was returning now, whatever Kurt had given him was wearing off and Sebastian wanted a shower and then to sleep. He sipped at a glass of water in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. Preston’s footsteps got closer and he tried to still the exhausted tremor in his hands.

“An entire night,” he started, stopping in the doorway to their bedroom while Sebastian closed his eyes, “you’re gone for an entire night at some dude’s apartment and I have to get a text from Kurt fucking Hummel to find out where you are?”

What could he say to that? “It’s Hummel,” he mumbled, looking down at his water. It didn’t help the burn in his throat at all.

“And? Blaine was there too.” He hadn’t seen them on the couch together then, because if he did he would be way more pissed off.

“They were helping me.”

“Oh fuck off.” He looked up at the venom spit back at him and found a familiar scowl on Preston’s face. It always looked so out of place. He was so beautiful, why would he need to twist his features into something so hideous? “Why the fuck would they help you, Seb? They barely even like you.”

His nose wrinkled. Kurt, probably, didn’t like him. But Blaine was his friend, right? The way he treated him was nice. Way nicer than he deserved. And Nick- “Nick’s my friend,” he said, surprising himself with at the outburst of emotion, but he hated the insinuation that he wasn’t. It burned at him worse than any sort of soreness in his throat. “He likes me. I knew him before I knew you, remember?”

Preston’s bright blue eyes narrowed at him. “Yeah, he puts up with you.”

Sebastian swallowed back anything else that would just piss him off more. “Can we please not do this right now? I really don’t feel good.”

“Is that going to be your excuse every time now? ‘I don’t feel good because I spent all my time with my _friends_ ’.” His words were obvious mockery and he wanted to close his eyes and block it out, but if he did that he wouldn’t be able to stop the tears from brimming up.

And it never went well when he cried. Never. Not when he was young, and not now. That was a truth he knew better than most.

“Preston, please,” he whispered instead. Preston closed the space between them at the sound of his voice and Sebastian immediately backed up into the counter. _Don’t fight it,_ he reminded himself, _fighting only makes it worse_. _Don’t fight, and don’t cry_. “I won’t do it again, okay?” he tried to compromise. His head tilted, allowing Preston enough room to lean in and sneer at him.

“Why should I believe you?”

“I won’t,” he insisted, voice cracking from what he hoped was his cold.

“No? Because you had no problem fucking off and disappearing with them last night. You said you were going to Nick’s for a couple of hours and then what?” Preston’s voice got louder with each word, right next to his ear. It was a testament to the fear that had him gripping the counter with white knuckles that he didn’t flinch away from it. “I didn’t hear anything from you, I was worried!” Sebastian absently thought of the nights that Preston would go out with _his_ friends and not call or text to let him know he’d be home late, but it only made him see his boyfriend’s point. Of course he would be worried. Sebastian gave a small nod.

“I know, I’m sorry. It really won’t happen again,” he whispered.  
“It better not, or I’m done with you,” was spat back at him.

His heart clenched. “No, Preston, no. It won’t.”

“I don’t know why I even fucking bother now.” He wasn’t yelling anymore. It didn’t matter how many times this had been said to him before, Preston knew how to get the point across to him with a terrifying accuracy.

“No, no.”

“Why should I bother with you Sebastian? Give me one good reason.”

He grabbed at Preston’s shirt, stumbling a little at his own sudden movement. His glass of water barely landed safely on the counter in his haste to prove to his boyfriend that he was worth sticking around for. “Because I love you. _You_. I love you, no one else.” His desperation burned into his throat. Words were stuck in there too, but he got them out in the quickest rush he could, before Preston could decide that he wasn’t worth it and left him, “I don’t have anyone else but you, you know that.”

“Where would you be without me?”

Alone. As painfully alone as he’d been before him. Shit, he didn’t even have his own family to fall back on. And his friends… They would get tired of him eventually, because he wasn’t worth it. He was a horrible person, he didn’t deserve them. His fingers curled tighter in the freshly pressed shirt under his hands. “Nowhere. That’s why I need you,” he reminded his boyfriend.

He had to look like a mess by now. Uncombed hair, sweat sticking to his forehead and red rimmed eyes. It was a wonder that his boyfriend could even stand to look at him, and it was an even bigger miracle when he didn’t shove him away immediately and walk out the door.

“That’s right,” Preston reminded him gently. He pried Sebastian’s hands off of his shirt and pushed him back against the counter. Not too rough though. He’d definitely experienced worse. “Now go shower. You smell disgusting.”

He was sick, he’d been sleeping for most of the time, but Sebastian didn’t bother to remind him of that. What excuse could he give to justify his actions? “Okay,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.” What was he apologizing for again? For leaving, for not telling his boyfriend where he was, for betraying him and hanging out with other guys.

“You better be fucking sorry,” Preston reminded him, voice low and strong in a way that Sebastian’s could never be with him. Which was fine, really, because he was lucky that someone loved him enough now to stick around. 

He flinched when Preston moved to walk away and his boyfriend laughed at the involuntary little movement. Sebastian didn’t say anything about it as he watched him disappear back into the bedroom. Soon enough, the quiet sound of a guitar strumming filtered into the kitchen while Preston practiced for some performance.

Sebastian stayed at the counter for an extended minute, breathing hard where he leaned up against it. His head was pounding, his throat hurt, and he was congested to all hell but he didn’t even register any of it as Preston’s threat loomed over him.

What the fuck was wrong with him? He couldn’t lose this. He reached up and pressed his palms into his eyes to hold off the tears that threatened to spill over his eyelids. He hadn’t survived his dad just to end up alone and unwanted for the rest of his life. This was his liberation, this life Preston had helped him build outside of his dad’s hawkish gaze, and he would be damned if he lost it.

He took in a ragged breath and refused to allow it catch in his throat. Don’t be a pussy, Sebastian, he reminded himself with a voice that sounded way too much like his dad’s. His hands wiped hard at his eyes before he dropped them and pushed off of the counter to do just as Preston said. He would clean himself up and put himself back together just as he’d done hundreds of times before, and when he emerged refreshed from his shower he would be that perfect boyfriend for him again. There was no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentions of disordered eating + descriptions of physical/emotional abuse
> 
> and you can find me at cinnabeebon.tumblr.com


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